By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Stranded on a desert island in 2020


    dont send help.jpg
  2. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
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    WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?

    Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds. You'll love it:



    Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.'

    Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

    They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

    When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

    They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

    They don't say, "Hurry up."

    Usually, grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

    They wear glasses and funny underwear.

    They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

    When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

    Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

    They know we should have snack time before bedtime, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

    A 6-year-old was asked where his Grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go and get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport".

    Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

    It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
    fjer, islandtosh, chicky and 12 others like this.
  3. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

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  4. UncleGra

    UncleGra Road Grime

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    A ditty from early childhood..

    Here comes the bride
    Fair, fat and wide
    Slipped on a banana skin
    And went for a ride.
  5. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
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    Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in.


    It’s currently half empty.
    Madman4049, bungen, ozzyal and 9 others like this.
  6. BygDaddee

    BygDaddee Where do I get a pie

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    I got sick of always trying the wrong key so I’ve colour coded them for the front and back door
    AB459D35-7A8C-4EB0-B234-16E69C033E3B.jpeg
  7. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
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    6,941
    Location:
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    ^^^^
    :imaposer

    Was gunna Like but that doesn't seem right...
    DeepBarney likes this.
  8. dancingweasel

    dancingweasel Virtual Tourist

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    Devon, UK
    I assume brown is for the rear entrance...
  9. MultiDV8

    MultiDV8 Been here awhile

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    In my house the same key does both. Is there a term for that?
  10. Ron50

    Ron50 Long timer

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    Someone who likes it both ways. Ambilocktrous? Unikey? Easy?
    SmittyBlackstone and DeepBarney like this.
  11. sages

    sages Been here awhile

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    Perth, West Australia
    Navigationally challenged perhaps? BMW rider? :imaposerOld bloke with the shakes?
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  12. richo360

    richo360 Long timer

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    Melb Bayside
    Should be two pink keys, that'd be a shocker.....
  13. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
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    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    The recipe said, “Set the oven at 180 degrees.”


    I have no idea what to do, because now the oven door is facing the wall.


    At first I thought this was acute joke, but I realized I was being obtuse and looking at it from the wrong angle. At least now I've got it straight.
    rvt, SmittyBlackstone, mrsdnf and 4 others like this.
  14. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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  15. BOOTLACE

    BOOTLACE Bikie Scum. Supporter

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  16. BygDaddee

    BygDaddee Where do I get a pie

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    A man has been hospitalised after X-rays revealed 6 toy horses in his rectum
    His condition has been described as stable
  17. BygDaddee

    BygDaddee Where do I get a pie

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  18. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  19. drdubb

    drdubb OFWG Supporter

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  20. BygDaddee

    BygDaddee Where do I get a pie

    Joined:
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    My wife asked me if I’d give the kids a talk on drugs
    I said ok but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high
    islandtosh, Chop Chop, Boxa and 5 others like this.