By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2011
    Oddometer:
    3,709
    Location:
    Hervey Bay
  2. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2011
    Oddometer:
    3,709
    Location:
    Hervey Bay
  3. Rocking Horse

    Rocking Horse Self funded bludger

    Joined:
    May 24, 2017
    Oddometer:
    879
    Location:
    Somerset, Tasmania
  4. neppi

    neppi Long timer

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2017
    Oddometer:
    1,084
    Location:
    Tauranga, New Zealand
    The neverending 10mm socket problem?

    Well, Supercheap Auto seems to have a solution (photo mine, today) 4D1F3ACC-9E1F-4572-8F5E-721119BB4E55.jpeg
    islandtosh, Brun, Sfcootz and 12 others like this.
  5. Themastermike

    Themastermike Think you caught me in a coma Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2011
    Oddometer:
    3,638
    Location:
    So Ill
    What do you get when you cross a rooster with a bag of M & Ms?





    A cock that comes in your mouth and not in your hands.
    Ride1st and SmittyBlackstone like this.
  6. Nashcat

    Nashcat Waitin' on the Boatman

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Oddometer:
    1,281
    Location:
    Downtown Theta TN
    I like that idea. You can lose them, all at the same time.
    Sfcootz, SmittyBlackstone and neppi like this.
  7. goD giB

    goD giB Long timer

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2016
    Oddometer:
    1,037
    Shouldn't there be 2 pink keys?
    SmittyBlackstone and Rusty J like this.
  8. Rusty J

    Rusty J Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2019
    Oddometer:
    280
    Location:
    The Other South Bay, CA
    Yep. You have one pink key on each hand.
  9. OldDog

    OldDog non impediti ratione cogitationis

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Oddometer:
    7,143
    Location:
    Gunnedah, New South Wales
    My thoughts on the key debate....

    FB_IMG_1600197421331.jpg
    goD giB, badmanners, numbat and 16 others like this.
  10. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    6,941
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    I always thought it a bit strange when a mate used to say he was only allowed in the back door on his birthdays - now I understand what he was talking about.
    islandtosh and SmittyBlackstone like this.
  11. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Oddometer:
    5,021
    Location:
    Sunshine Coast
    My mate described his first time as "like sliding between 2 hunks of buttered bread"

    Trigger...are you out there?
  12. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Oddometer:
    6,738
    Location:
    Wrong side of the Vcitorian virus zombi-fence
    A real southern gentleman went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly,
    "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
    "Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and said,
    "Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"
    When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"
    "Why yes, " replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y'all.
    But where ah come from in Alebamha, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink...... ."
    islandtosh, rvt, Night_Wolf and 10 others like this.
  13. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Oddometer:
    6,738
    Location:
    Wrong side of the Vcitorian virus zombi-fence
    A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
    The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
    The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
    Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
    The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."
    islandtosh, mrsdnf, BergDonk and 6 others like this.
  14. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Oddometer:
    6,738
    Location:
    Wrong side of the Vcitorian virus zombi-fence
    An elderly man is sitting alone at a bar. It starts to get late and the bartender says,
    “Sorry pal, last round.”
    Upon hearing this, the man pays his bill and turns to look at the door. As he begins to stand up, he suddenly falls and lands face first.
    “I must have had more than I thought.” He thinks to himself.
    Looking at the door he thinks “If I can just make it there, a bit of fresh air will have me good as new.”
    So the old man crawls to the door and props himself up, he takes a breath and as he begins to step, he again falls flat on his face.
    Luckily, he only lived a block from the bar.
    “If I can just make it home, I’ll be just fine”
    So the old man proceeds to crawl to his house. When he reaches the door, he again props himself up. As he is about to take a step, he once again falls flat on his face.
    “This just isn’t my night,” thought the old man. “I’ll just crawl into bed and call it quits.”
    So the old man crawls up the stairs and into his bed where he immediately passes out.
    As morning comes, he is rudely awoken by his wife.
    “You were pissed last night!” She said angrily.
    “How’d you know?” He asks.
    “Well" she answered, "you left your wheelchair at the pub again."
    islandtosh, Boxa, BergDonk and 7 others like this.
  15. Chop Chop

    Chop Chop Long timer

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2009
    Oddometer:
    1,869
    Location:
    Sunny Coast, Qld Aust
    My idea of a dad joke!
    tumblr_cd97f273fa1731e9d804aea652a10430_e75e8760_1280.jpg
  16. wi11iamson

    wi11iamson Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Oddometer:
    493
    Reminds me of the time when I asked oldest son what he wanted for Christmas, he responded, "I'd like a watch", so we let him.
  17. richo360

    richo360 Long timer

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2011
    Oddometer:
    4,236
    Location:
    Melb Bayside
    Still in therapy?
  18. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2011
    Oddometer:
    3,709
    Location:
    Hervey Bay
  19. MirthfulThylacinator

    MirthfulThylacinator Tinker

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2018
    Oddometer:
    619
    Location:
    Tassie
    When they bury your mate but forget to empty his pockets ... :lol2

    IMG_20200916_144232.jpg
  20. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Oddometer:
    6,738
    Location:
    Wrong side of the Vcitorian virus zombi-fence
    At least he didn't have to stay up late ...
    SmittyBlackstone and Night_Wolf like this.