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Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.
The neverending 10mm socket problem?
Well, Supercheap Auto seems to have a solution (photo mine, today)
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a bag of M & Ms?
A cock that comes in your mouth and not in your hands.
I like that idea. You can lose them, all at the same time.
Shouldn't there be 2 pink keys?
Yep. You have one pink key on each hand.
My thoughts on the key debate....
I always thought it a bit strange when a mate used to say he was only allowed in the back door on his birthdays - now I understand what he was talking about.
My mate described his first time as "like sliding between 2 hunks of buttered bread"
Trigger...are you out there?
A real southern gentleman went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly,
"Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
"Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and said,
"Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"
When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"
"Why yes, " replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y'all.
But where ah come from in Alebamha, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink...... ."
A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."
An elderly man is sitting alone at a bar. It starts to get late and the bartender says,
“Sorry pal, last round.”
Upon hearing this, the man pays his bill and turns to look at the door. As he begins to stand up, he suddenly falls and lands face first.
“I must have had more than I thought.” He thinks to himself.
Looking at the door he thinks “If I can just make it there, a bit of fresh air will have me good as new.”
So the old man crawls to the door and props himself up, he takes a breath and as he begins to step, he again falls flat on his face.
Luckily, he only lived a block from the bar.
“If I can just make it home, I’ll be just fine”
So the old man proceeds to crawl to his house. When he reaches the door, he again props himself up. As he is about to take a step, he once again falls flat on his face.
“This just isn’t my night,” thought the old man. “I’ll just crawl into bed and call it quits.”
So the old man crawls up the stairs and into his bed where he immediately passes out.
As morning comes, he is rudely awoken by his wife.
“You were pissed last night!” She said angrily.
“How’d you know?” He asks.
“Well" she answered, "you left your wheelchair at the pub again."
My idea of a dad joke!
Reminds me of the time when I asked oldest son what he wanted for Christmas, he responded, "I'd like a watch", so we let him.
Still in therapy?
When they bury your mate but forget to empty his pockets ...
At least he didn't have to stay up late ...