By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    An Irishman went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.
    'Father', he confessed, 'It has been one month since my last confession.
    I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'
    The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven.
    Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'
    Soon thereafter, another Irishman entered the confessional.
    'Father, it has been two months since my last confession.
    I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'
    This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?'
    'A new woman in the neighbourhood,' the sinner replied.
    'Very well,' sighed the priest.
    Go and say ten Hail Mary's.
    At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary.
    The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest.
    Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald green shoes.
    The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
    The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'
    The bug eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes..."
  2. farqhuar

    farqhuar Human guinea pig

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    I always understood the second pink key was for the upstairs balcony. :-)
  3. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night's sleep.

    NEW Wine for Seniors . I kid you not.....



    Clare Valley vintners in South Australia,
    which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines,
    have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
    It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the
    bathroom during the night.

    The new wine will be marketed as

    PINO MORE

    I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!
  4. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?


    Well, most of the time you just get a funny looking vegetable with big ears.


    But every once in awhile, just every once in awhile, you'll get a piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
  5. Bluetonguejak

    Bluetonguejak Pretend racer

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  6. UncleGra

    UncleGra Road Grime

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    ...and if you crossed a sheep with a kangaroo..??
  7. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Give an old joke a home week already?
  8. TenereMark

    TenereMark Where are we????????

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    Dongara, WA
    Well, you build larger fences for a start!
    DeepBarney, SmittyBlackstone and rvt like this.
  9. Brun

    Brun Been here awhile

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    BorderBurg, South East Oz.

    Ha, as it happens I was in SCA yesterday wanting to buy a couple of 10mm ring/open-enders to top up toolkits. Disappointed emoji here.
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  10. jimroid

    jimroid Long timer

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  11. richo360

    richo360 Long timer

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    Have any pics @Precis , I think I may have met her once and want to check...
  12. MultiDV8

    MultiDV8 Been here awhile

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    Brisbane Australia
  13. UncleGra

    UncleGra Road Grime

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    Time's up..
  14. Canary

    Canary Long timer

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    Alright, a woolley jumper :D
  15. UncleGra

    UncleGra Road Grime

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    Ah your so clever..it was Mums fav joke..
    Say gday to the better half.. DSCN7620.JPG
    Night_Wolf likes this.
  16. Canary

    Canary Long timer

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    :clap
    Will do, you too :D
    UncleGra likes this.
  17. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    The worst pub I’ve ever stayed in was called The Fiddle.


    It was a vile inn.
    TheDecepticon, rvt, BergDonk and 8 others like this.
  18. sages

    sages Been here awhile

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    Perth, West Australia
    Is assisted euthanasia legal yet?
    SmittyBlackstone and Big Willy like this.
  19. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    A man has been ill for some time. Fearing that his end is near, he calls his wife to his bedside.


    "I have a last wish," he says to her. "Promise me that 2 months after I die, you'll marry our neighbor, Ken."


    The wife is perplexed. "But, my dear, I thought you hated Ken," she asks him.

    "I do," says the man.
  20. Ready set slow

    Ready set slow Been here awhile

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    Moree