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Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.
50 years an imbecile
Cow-banger. I think they are still researching that tail-less cow at the local university as the farmers continue to complain it gets in the way.
I'd be the knocker-up of work people, but that would get expensive with all the child support. Guess it's the beef twister then...
My wife could be the emasculator
I was out on a game drive a few years ago. The older gentleman sitting next to me was wearing shoes with one sole noticeably thicker than the other. Suddenly, he pointed into the tall grass and said "Look! It's a jackal!". "Sir, that is an African Wild Dog.", I said. "It's a jackal!", he replied. In order to set the record straight, I opened up my game spotting guide book and showed him a picture of an African Wild Dog.
Looking slightly sheepish, he said "Well then. I stand corrected."
My dream job is flange inspector/spigot installer!
When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatised I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life...
The dead bastard had a twin.
And now we hope you don't.
Groan? From you - that's rich!
And, ..... maybe.....
After my last post I had to look it up...
" The plural form of precis is also precis. "
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day tof feed the magpies, watch the passing parade and discuss world problems.
One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and - lo and behold! - there sat Bill!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'
Bill replied, 'I've been in jail.'
'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'
'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'...
'So the bloody judge gave me 30 days for perjury'!!!!
Hate to admit it, but it took me a few minutes. Good joke!
^ You'll have to add in Slow between Grumpy and Old to remain a man who walks his talk .
My brother in law once had a business customer with the name Fuk Yu.
Every time he phoned Mr. Yu, he was somewhat concerned about the pronunciation, and would ask to speak to Fak Yo, only to be corrected with, “No, no, Fuk Yu, Fuk Yu!”
Could it be that after 691 pages we have finally run out of funny jokes?
Shut up mr Yu!
I don't get it?