By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2018
    Oddometer:
    545
    Location:
    Temora, Australia
    50 years an imbecile
  2. Creekgeek

    Creekgeek Master Finger Painter

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2012
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    6,569
    Location:
    So. MD
    Cow-banger. I think they are still researching that tail-less cow at the local university as the farmers continue to complain it gets in the way.

    :hide
  3. Oil Burner

    Oil Burner Adventurer

    Joined:
    May 6, 2009
    Oddometer:
    97
    Location:
    Mendon, Massachusetts, USA
    I'd be the knocker-up of work people, but that would get expensive with all the child support. Guess it's the beef twister then...
    C3trevor and SmittyBlackstone like this.
  4. C3trevor

    C3trevor Adventurer

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    Jun 12, 2020
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    15
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    Calgary,alberta
    My wife could be the emasculator
    richo360, Ducksbane, fjer and 2 others like this.
  5. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Oct 13, 2009
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    6,845
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    Free at last, free at last!
    I was out on a game drive a few years ago. The older gentleman sitting next to me was wearing shoes with one sole noticeably thicker than the other. Suddenly, he pointed into the tall grass and said "Look! It's a jackal!". "Sir, that is an African Wild Dog.", I said. "It's a jackal!", he replied. In order to set the record straight, I opened up my game spotting guide book and showed him a picture of an African Wild Dog.
    Looking slightly sheepish, he said "Well then. I stand corrected."
    bungen, numbat, DeepBarney and 5 others like this.
  6. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    Location:
    Snowy Mountains Oz
  7. sidetrack one

    sidetrack one Chief Tiddler Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2006
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    hole shaven area
    My dream job is flange inspector/spigot installer!:D
  8. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
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    6,845
    Location:
    Free at last, free at last!
    When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
    When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
    Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
    Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
    My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
    When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
    I was so traumatised I couldn't sleep properly.
    I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
    I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
    I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
    It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
    Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life...
    The dead bastard had a twin.
    Toejamii, numbat, Night_Wolf and 10 others like this.
  9. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    7,181
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia

    Groannn...

    And now we hope you don't.
  10. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
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    6,845
    Location:
    Free at last, free at last!
    Groan? From you - that's rich!

    And, ..... maybe.....
  11. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    7,181
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    After my last post I had to look it up...

    " The plural form of precis is also precis. "
    SmittyBlackstone and Precis like this.
  12. nevgriff64

    nevgriff64 .

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2005
    Oddometer:
    20,731
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    Precis-ely.
    SmittyBlackstone and Precis like this.
  13. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    7,181
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day tof feed the magpies, watch the passing parade and discuss world problems.

    One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.

    But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

    A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and - lo and behold! - there sat Bill!

    Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

    Bill replied, 'I've been in jail.'

    'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'

    'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

    'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

    'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'...

    'So the bloody judge gave me 30 days for perjury'!!!!
    Night_Wolf, BergDonk, Boxa and 8 others like this.
  14. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Nov 28, 2008
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    5,076
    Location:
    Sunshine Coast
  15. grumpyoldbstrd

    grumpyoldbstrd Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2007
    Oddometer:
    807
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    DeepBarney and SmittyBlackstone like this.
  16. Oldfatbeerman

    Oldfatbeerman Enroute to a PUB

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2006
    Oddometer:
    6,021
    Location:
    Lake Macquarie , NSW, Australia
    ^ You'll have to add in Slow between Grumpy and Old :lol3 to remain a man who walks his talk :D .
  17. Nashcat

    Nashcat Waitin' on the Boatman

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
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    1,312
    Location:
    Downtown Theta TN
    My brother in law once had a business customer with the name Fuk Yu.

    Every time he phoned Mr. Yu, he was somewhat concerned about the pronunciation, and would ask to speak to Fak Yo, only to be corrected with, “No, no, Fuk Yu, Fuk Yu!”
    Night_Wolf, BergDonk, Boxa and 5 others like this.
  18. CJL00

    CJL00 Who said top boxes are useless?

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2009
    Oddometer:
    967
    Location:
    Urunga, NSW, Oz
    Could it be that after 691 pages we have finally run out of funny jokes?
  19. neppi

    neppi Long timer

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2017
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    1,198
    Location:
    Tauranga, New Zealand
    Shut up mr Yu!
  20. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Oddometer:
    5,076
    Location:
    Sunshine Coast
    I don't get it?