By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. RockyDS

    RockyDS Lost in the wilderness

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    Reminds me of a time many years ago. I was waiting in line at a street vendor selling burgers and so on. An elderly Asian gentleman ran the operation and as he was taking his time there were a few comments from guys in the line, telling him to hurry up, etc. Eventually he reacted, shouting 'You guys think I know fuck nothing, but I tell you I know fuck all!. He had no idea why everyone started laughing.
  2. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    Snowy Mountains Oz
  3. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    Snowy Mountains Oz
  4. CJL00

    CJL00 Who said top boxes are useless?

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    I was expecting a Fuk Yu Two. Very disappointed
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  5. SmittyBlackstone

    SmittyBlackstone Long timer

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    I believe the correct terminology is,
    "Fuk Yu Also".
    Present company excepted, of course.
  6. BygDaddee

    BygDaddee Where do I get a pie

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    I came accross 2 blind guys fighting

    should have seen the look on thier faces when I said my money is on the one with the knife
    PilbaraGoat, islandtosh, DOT and 7 others like this.
  7. Nashcat

    Nashcat Waitin' on the Boatman

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    Jeffrey Toobin was just following his doctor’s advise.

    The doctor told him that he could have a stroke, at any time.
    DeepBarney, Night_Wolf and mrsdnf like this.
  8. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Sunshine Coast
    Lol. I admit I thought about it
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  9. richo360

    richo360 Long timer

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    Melb Bayside
    Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Ray slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Ray what's wrong.
    "Well," replies Ray, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
    "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
    "Well," says Ray, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Ray, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".
    "Sensible" says Jeff.
    "So I get to her door," says Ray, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."
    "And what happened then?"
    "I kicked her in the face."
    DeepBarney, islandtosh, DOT and 8 others like this.
  10. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  11. Rocking Horse

    Rocking Horse Self funded bludger

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    Somerset, Tasmania
    I was wondering why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe but not in Africa.

    But then I realised vampires are killed by holy water.

    They bless the rains down in Africa.
  12. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

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    Temora, Australia
  13. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  14. grumpyoldbstrd

    grumpyoldbstrd Been here awhile

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    Melbourne, Australia
    You’re quite right.

    Having been retired for so long, I’m starting to think I should be entitled to long service leave.

    Crickey, I don’t even get public holidays, sick leave, holiday leave, nor RDO’s anymore.

    My only ambition these days is to live long enough to be a liability upon my super scheme, and upon my kids. Trouble is, my son keeps reminding me that he’s the one who’ll decide to which retirement home I’ll be sent.
  15. davenowherejones

    davenowherejones short old guy

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    Hope "I get there", BC, Canada
    I just want to live long enough to know if a Ford or a Chevy towed the trailer for Ewan and Charley's electric motorcycles into Los Angeles.
  16. buckscreek

    buckscreek AUTODIDACTIC

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    Vacy
    A former colleague had an uncle, Jim, who retired on an indexed pension scheme at age 60, having been a school teacher for 34 years. Pension indexed at 80% of his salary at retirement.

    He lived to be 101 years old. Retired for 7 years longer than he worked. Liability on the super scheme? You bet.

    He made a speech at his 100th birthday, said the best thing about being 100 was the lack of peer pressure.
    Night_Wolf, Wodger63, Ron50 and 4 others like this.
  17. grumpyoldbstrd

    grumpyoldbstrd Been here awhile

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    Melbourne, Australia
  18. numbat

    numbat Long timer

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    My Father in Law has an indexed pension from an old scheme.
    He went to them 10 years ago and asked for some out as a lump sum, they basically said 'Mate we've been waiting for you to die so we can stop paying out of our pocket for 10 years' .
    That was 10 years ago, he's looking forward to 91, that pension overdraw keeps him going.
  19. CJL00

    CJL00 Who said top boxes are useless?

    Joined:
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    Urunga, NSW, Oz
    In the context of the joke, should that be "fuk yu arsol"?
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  20. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    One day, a bloke came home from the office and found his (blonde) wife sobbing convulsively.

    "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was ironing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

    "Forget it, stop bawling" consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of trousers for that suit."

    "Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," she said, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
    PilbaraGoat, Boxa, bungen and 3 others like this.