By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. BOOTLACE

    BOOTLACE Bikie Scum. Supporter

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  2. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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  3. drikko

    drikko Long timer

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  4. drikko

    drikko Long timer

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    Shame about the spelling misteak!, No not that one! FB_IMG_1622354900027.jpg
  5. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Why are Fire Engines Red?

    Papers are read too.
    Two plus two is four.
    Three times four is twelve.
    Twelve is a ruler.
    A ruler was Queen Mary.
    Queen Mary was a ship.
    Ships sail the ocean.
    The ocean has fish.
    Fish have fins.
    The Fins were conquered by the Russians.
    The Russians are reds.
    And that is why fire engines are always red because they are always Russian.
  6. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    The Bird Of Your Dreams.

    A man walks into a restaurant with a full grown ostrich behind him.
    The waitress asks for their order, the man orders, “ a hamburger, fries and a coke”, and turns to the ostrich……”what’s yours?” “I’ll have the same replies the ostrich.
    Returning with the meals the waitress says,” that’ll be $9.50 please”…
    The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.
    The next day, same thing, and for the following week the man and ostrich frequent and order the same meal…and each time the man produced the exact amount
    For the bill.
    Considering it routine, the waitress welcomes them the following week with
    “the usual?”…
    “No, this time it’s a treat, so I’ll have steak, baked potatoes and salad” says the man.
    “Yep, the same”, says the ostrich.
    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “that will be $32.62 thankyou”
    Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the counter…………
    The waitress cannot hold back her curiousity any longer,
    “Excuse me sir, how do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time???”
    “Well”, says the man, “several years ago I was clearing the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes…………..
    My first wish was that if ever I had to pay for something, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
    “That’s brilliant”, says the waitress, “most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
    “That’s right,” says the man, “ whether it’s a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount is always there!”
    The waitress had to ask, “ But sir, what's with the ostrich….??”
    The man sighs, pauses and sheepishly replies…………………………
    …………..
    ……………
    ………….
    ………….
    …………“My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long, long legs who would agree with everything I said…..”
  7. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

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    Don’t get angry if someone calls you fat

    You’re bigger than that
  8. Rocking Horse

    Rocking Horse Self funded bludger

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  9. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Free at last, free at last!
    [​IMG]
    A young guardsman is on the gate at Buckingham palace. The RSM walks up to him and says "Right lad, the Queen is out on public duties; I want to know the minute she gets back here, do you understand? The minute she's back you let me know".
    "Yes sir " says the young guardsman.
    So 10 minutes later a big limo pulls in through the gates, the guardsman stops the car, pops his head in and says "S'cuse me ma'am; are you the Queen? "
    "No I'm Princess Ann"
    "Ok sorry to delay you, proceed".
    The next limo pulls in and he sticks his head in the window "S'cuse me ma'am; are you the Queen? "
    "No I'm Princess Margaret".
    "Ok sorry to delay you ma'am, proceed.
    Next limo pulls in and same again, he sticks his head in the window, "S'cuse me ma'am, are you the Queen?."
    "Yes I'm the Queen".
    "Right" he says. "You better make yourself scarce love - the RSM is lookin' for you".
  10. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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  11. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Here's an idea for the Melbourne inmates...

    imsage.jpg
    Mickalmus, SFCootz, fjer and 14 others like this.
  12. neppi

    neppi Long timer

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    Finns were never conquered by Russians! Which changes the whole equation and now I think we have to paint all the fire trucks white and blue.
  13. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Yes, the Finns have never been conquered by the Russians. BUT... the joke says that the Fins (whoever they are) were conquered by the reds - so maybe it's true...

    So, apologies to any Finns who may have felt slighted (even if I do have a gripe with how Finns control their reindeer).
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  14. a2zworks

    a2zworks Trust me, I'm Pablo

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    As far as I'm concerned Finns don't count they are Finish.
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  15. gsd4me

    gsd4me 90% bluff

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  16. BOOTLACE

    BOOTLACE Bikie Scum. Supporter

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    1241BD48-432E-4D8E-A454-E0EF7438FA34.jpeg
    PL09, fjer, rvt and 22 others like this.
  17. Riteris

    Riteris Dessert Runner

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    It might take 5 electrically oriented men or someone over 60 to explain the full humor.
  18. neppi

    neppi Long timer

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    Dang it! I already started painting the local firetrucks white and blue... so you’re saying I should paint the reindeer instead?
    wombbatt and SmittyBlackstone like this.
  19. Sebastionbear

    Sebastionbear Oh! heck...

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    I think the correct answer is.........

    "Hey, what gives you the right?"

    EDIT: Dang, that was the next part. Should have been..........

    So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
    He said "You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
    So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that. Huh! Me workin' for you!"
    basketcase, fjer, 1911fan and 8 others like this.
  20. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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