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Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.
but it's gold!
Bruce Lee had a Vegan twin brother.
I strongly oppose the various state governments relaxing of the mask wearing rules.
It's a serious setback for us in the unattractive community...
A few puns make me numb.
But math puns make me number!
A pilot took off from San Francisco headed to Seattle. As he arrived in the area of Seattle he saw a very thick low-lying fog had settled in and he couldn't determine where the airport was. He and the passenger were getting very worried as the fuel was low and they were lost.
Then ahead the pilot saw a tall building sticking up through the fog and as he circled around it in an attempt to identify his location he saw an open window and someone at the window watching him.
As he circled he called out "Where" then around again and "am" and round again "I?"
As he came around again the person at the window shouted back "You" then on the next time around "are" then next round "in" then "an" and then after the next turn "airplane!".
The pilot immediately banked the airplane and headed south. The passenger exclaimed "Where are you going? How do you know which way to go?"
The pilot replied "The answer given, though technically correct, was completely useless. Therefore I knew the building was Microsoftt headquarters and directly north of the airport!"
Technically correct is the best kind of correct.
My son came in the other day and asked me what love juice is. I thought I'd try and put it as delicately as possible.
"Well son love juice is to do with sex, you must know a bit from school? Anyway when you're with a girl and your having a kiss and a cuddle and you touch the old breasts you get a woody, but you call it a hard on when you're an adult. Now girls they don't get a hard on they have a form of lubrication for the penis. What you do is play with the little beak on the vagina for a bit and when its lubricated you put your fingers in and you can hear it a bit like when mum is mixing up an omelets, you can see it too glistening and on your fingers like little heartstrings, like sticky mirrors. Now the vagina is ready to accept the penis and then get the sperm to the uterus and then make a baby, that my son is what love juice is. But tell me son what have you been watching?"
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We
are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned, because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire, so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, it will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did, and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads, where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our First Aid Merit Badges! When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works. Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poison- ing from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.
Don't worry about anything. We are fine ... and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.