By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    SIMPLE TRUTH 1: Lovers help each other undress before sex. However, after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

    SIMPLE TRUTH 2: When a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations." But none go up to the man, touch his penis and say, "Good Job." Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.

    FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
    1. Money can't buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
    2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.
    3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
    4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
    5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

    BONUS RULES:
    1. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
    2. I think all politicians should wear uniforms. You know, like race car drivers drivers or motorcycle racers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.
    3. Also, all politicians should serve only two terms -- one in office and one in prison.
  2. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    I was walking past a hobby farm near home and saw a new sign saying "Duck, eggs!"

    I was thinking: "That's an unnecessary comma" - then it hit me.
    Brute, DeLewis, rvt and 10 others like this.
  3. Creekgeek

    Creekgeek Master Finger Painter

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  4. davenowherejones

    davenowherejones short old guy

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    And how come the sign for Free Range Eggs has $ price? Free??? Duh
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  5. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  6. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Free at last, free at last!
    I learned two things about the legendary actor Yul Brynner: 1) despite being a Russian-born American, he was a life-long Liverpool FC fan, and 2) he never wore aftershave.
    That's right, Yul never wore cologne.
  7. buckscreek

    buckscreek AUTODIDACTIC

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    Where do you go to find out how heavy pastries are?

    Somewhere over the rainbow.....
    Weigh a pie.
    sidetrack one, SFCootz, rvt and 8 others like this.
  8. richo360

    richo360 Long timer

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    How did he smell?
    With his nose......
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  9. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    And how are they meant to "Drive In" ?
  10. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    images.jpeg
    popscycle, SFCootz, Rusty J and 11 others like this.
  11. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

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  12. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  13. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
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    King River, Western Australia
  14. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

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    Temora, Australia
    IMG_2225.jpg
    When Americans translate an English Newspaper Article, the term is “hooker”
  15. RED1

    RED1 yes it really is me

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    I know what you're going to say, it handles just fine:imaposer

    pig%20bike.jpg
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  16. SFCootz

    SFCootz RIP Dad Super Moderator Super Supporter

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  17. SFCootz

    SFCootz RIP Dad Super Moderator Super Supporter

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    @RED1 you realize you're in the joke thread, right?
  18. RED1

    RED1 yes it really is me

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    Whoops! I was somewhere else
    SFCootz likes this.
  19. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

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    NSW Police testing latest addition to motorcycle fleet
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  20. Diggar

    Diggar GP Winner

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    Ikea ? Some assembly required. The Grand daughter saw this and is crying.
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