By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. richo360

    richo360 Long timer

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2011
    Oddometer:
    5,225
    Location:
    Melb Bayside
    He returned the mower, every time he used it all he could hear was a whining noise.
  2. wi11iamson

    wi11iamson Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Oddometer:
    634
    Location:
    St Helena, VIC
    My mower seems to make a whining noise when it's not in use.
  3. LeglessOne

    LeglessOne Long timer

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Oddometer:
    2,632
    Location:
    Saddleworth
    I think she may be whining cause she appears to have lost her left foot :patch
    pidjones likes this.
  4. mikejana

    mikejana Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2018
    Oddometer:
    377
    Location:
    Florida's Space Coast
    what's the difference between an Oral and a Rectal Thermometer?





    The taste.
  5. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    8,960
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
  6. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    8,960
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    I recently found the definition of what a Canadian is.



    It's an unarmed North American, with health insurance...
  7. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Oddometer:
    7,468
    Location:
    Free at last, free at last!
    With a very seductive voice, the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
    "No," said her husband.
    She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft,
    silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
    He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
    She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
    "Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
    She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
    He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
    "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"
    He said "No!”, trying to hide his arousal.
    She said "Check in the garage."
    Mouse, Watercat, islandtosh and 15 others like this.
  8. gsd4me

    gsd4me 90% bluff

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Oddometer:
    10,002
    Location:
    Brisbane, Australia
  9. ricksax

    ricksax Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2013
    Oddometer:
    220
    I said "Doctor! Help me right now! I'm shrinking."
    He said "You'll just have to be a little patient."
    Mouse, Mickalmus, islandtosh and 6 others like this.
  10. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Oddometer:
    5,329
    Location:
    Sunshine Coast
    Read a story about that croc. Apparently a bullet took out part of his brain and he's lost his natural killer instinct.
    Carry on...
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  11. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2018
    Oddometer:
    693
    Location:
    Temora, Australia
  12. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2010
    Oddometer:
    16,164
    Location:
    Snowy Mountains Oz
  13. DeepBarney

    DeepBarney International Bumbler

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Oddometer:
    4,089
    Location:
    Wichita, KS
    I looked at that several times before noticing the banana. I'd say he's got his priorities right, chickens will always lay more eggs.
    Olythom, Mouse, Suncoaster and 5 others like this.
  14. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2010
    Oddometer:
    16,164
    Location:
    Snowy Mountains Oz
    I decided to draw the circle before posting to assist the otherwise distracted :jack
  15. bikeymikey70

    bikeymikey70 Been here awhile Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2018
    Oddometer:
    693
    Location:
    Temora, Australia
  16. gsd4me

    gsd4me 90% bluff

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Oddometer:
    10,002
    Location:
    Brisbane, Australia
    But he would have no chance of laying her.
    SmittyBlackstone and DeepBarney like this.
  17. DeepBarney

    DeepBarney International Bumbler

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Oddometer:
    4,089
    Location:
    Wichita, KS
    I somehow doubt the the egg delivery man pulls a lot of chicks.
  18. buckscreek

    buckscreek AUTODIDACTIC

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2007
    Oddometer:
    4,124
    Location:
    Vacy
    Great yolk, it cracked me up!
  19. MultiDV8

    MultiDV8 Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2013
    Oddometer:
    732
    Location:
    Brisbane Australia
  20. Themastermike

    Themastermike Think you caught me in a coma Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2011
    Oddometer:
    4,456
    Location:
    So Ill