Crappy Little Dreams (Moped Ride to Alaska)

Discussion in 'Battle Scooters' started by Rogue_Ryder, Jan 30, 2007.

  1. Rogue_Ryder

    Rogue_Ryder

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    http://www.crappylittledreams.com/expedition.htm
    [​IMG]

    I found this guys ride report on the 'net. Forgive if it's been posted here before.

    His writing is pretty funny, and a little be weird to say the least, but you'd have to be to ride a Moped from Cali to AK. Hope y'all get as big of a kick outta his ride report that I did.
    #1
  2. Zen Slug

    Zen Slug Spineless Adventurer

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    Good idea putting the loaf of wonder bread on the seat like that... just might try that on my KTM:evil







    The guy takes pictures of slugs... I like him already:D
    [​IMG]
    #2
  3. Photog

    Photog Charismatic Megafauna

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    :clap

    OMG this is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for the link.
    #3
  4. GB

    GB . Administrator Super Moderator Super Supporter

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    :yikes Gotta follow the progress of this one!! Thanks for the link.
    #4
  5. MaddBrit

    MaddBrit Now officially a Yank.

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    Best thread ever!

    What a wack job.

    :lol3
    #5
  6. extrashot

    extrashot Aprilia Test Pilot

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    too damn funny ... gonna waste a lot of time reading this today :D
    #6
  7. Zen Slug

    Zen Slug Spineless Adventurer

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    Somebody should move this over to Ride Reports!:deal
    #7
  8. MotoMind

    MotoMind Long timer

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    I want to kill the motherfucker for using MUSIC on his webpage, with no mute.
    #8
  9. speedbump

    speedbump Been here awhile

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    Hey "studly" I'm no computer expert but have you ever heard of a volume switch ?

    They are not to hard to operate kind of like a mini hand throttle and sometimes you have to actually get off your ass to reach it. I bet yours probably goes to 11 :rofl

    Hey just kidding!

    I didn't even realize there was a song untill I turned on my volume thanks to your comment. I thought the moped song was pretty good and have to say this is one of the most amusing tales I've read in a while.

    Give the "Chinchilla on Speed" a break!
    #9
  10. Photog

    Photog Charismatic Megafauna

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    bump. :D
    #10
  11. Caribou Aqua Buddha

    Caribou Aqua Buddha Long timer

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    22,982
    "To once again avoid the 5 interstate I decided to take a "shortcut" through a state forest. Four hours later at about 11pm I ended up where I should have been three hours before. Not only were the forest roads not labeled, they weren't on the map, which incidentally blew out of the little yellow basket I have attached to my handle bars affectionately referred to as my "bitch basket". It was dark, late, I had no map and when I finally found my way out of the forest I was so worn out and ready for sleep I could have pulled over anywhere. I decided to keep going until I found the perfect spot, not wanting to get woken up through the night by people or animals. At around midnight I thought I was onto something. I saw from a great distance huge amounts of light illuminating the sky. I imagined a Super Wal-Mart with plenty of room behind it to build a great sleep shelter. About 15 minutes later I rounded a bend and was sadly mistaken. The lights were that of a 24hr plywood making factory. Maybe it was my state of mind but this whole thing was very eerie and creepy to me. I wanted to get far away and never build anything out of plywood again, not even a skateboard ramp. I rode on past all this bullshit with a very weathered mind and body to the town of Riddle, riding around trying to solve the riddle of finding a good hiding spot to bed down in. There was something unsettling about the town and I got a feeling it was a redneck speed soaked place. I decided I couldn't stay there and rode on. Unfortunately with no map I got lost again this time in a weird ass trailer park. I know that you wouldn't believe this, but guess what happened!? A shirtless mullet dude burst out of the shadows on a beat up bicycle and was riding neck and neck with me. He grinned like a maniac and reached out with one hand to try to grab my arm! This was some wicked bullshit so I full throttled it and got out of there. It was like the twilight zone, almost every house had its lights on and it was one o'clock in the morning. I took off down a long dark road with visions of dancing scumbags nipping at my heels and falling off my moped into the bushes upon getting out of their sight and sleeping where I fell. At this point I had been on the road for at least 12 hours and somehow I circumnavigated back to Riddle. This was not cool. I turned the other way out of town and finally got to a 24hr. gas station and got a new map. I saw the layout of the current Hell I was in and wondered how to get out. Soon enough a car full of punk kids got out of a car and I figured they were the ones to ask. I asked the kid wearing a Misfits skull shirt who I thought was wearing eye makeup where a good place to camp was. As he told me I realized he didn't have makeup on, he had one of the worst black eyes I had ever seen and pointed me in the direction of the town Myrtle Beach where there was a campground. It was about 4 miles away. I didn't think I could make it, but I tried anyways.

    Making it just fine to the campground I found that is was fully booked because of a 3 day music festival that was going on. Wondering if I was going to get any sleep at all I went the Seven Eleven and got some shitty pizza. While I was eating outside an old hippie dude with his dog inquired about my existence, I told him my story and we talked about music for awhile. He told me how he was washing dishes one day in the 70's listening to Blue Oyster Cult and out of nowhere was "turned on". I then related how tired I was and he suggested that I don't sleep, stay up all night with him and his dog and wait until the music festival starts the next day and lay down in the middle of the field to let the music go through my body and take me away. I said goodnight, went back to the campground and passed out next to a telephone pole.

    After a long cold sleep I woke up somewhat refreshed. Even though I probably could make it to Portland that night I decided to take it easy and break it up into two days and save what was left of my mind. My friend Kate offered me a place to stay in Eugene but I decided to keep going to the town of Corvallis. After arriving there I called Brianna and complained of my last 24hrs and wished I could transport back to Long Beach. Driving around Corvallis for a little while I decided to keep going. I saw a state park on my map just past town. I figured I could make it there before dark so went for it."


    Looks like he came through my area. Love the scooter ride reports, less miles, more weirdness.
    As a writer, he is no Vespafitz though.:lol3
    #11
  12. Makalu

    Makalu Long timer

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    Good read. Funny guy.
    #12
  13. MrMarple

    MrMarple Adventurer

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    Great stuff, love his style, also deserves the Dos Grandes award for pulling off this ride. Thanks for the link Duke.:clap
    #13
  14. Photog

    Photog Charismatic Megafauna

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    :nod

    One of the best ride reports ever. :lol3
    #14
  15. brunstei

    brunstei Been here awhile

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    Some of you may already know of this one...but if not, and you enjoyed this thread, you may also like:
    http://mopedtrip.com/
    #15
  16. Seth S

    Seth S Will _____ for _____

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    sanity?
    I was going to post this one as well but you beat me to it. Any long distance trip on a moped is impressive.
    #16
  17. Lobster Grrl

    Lobster Grrl Ground feeder

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    Originally Posted by brunstei
    Some of you may already know of this one...but if not, and you enjoyed this thread, you may also like:
    http://mopedtrip.com/


    This makes my trip across Texas on a C-70 Passport look like peanuts :ricky
    #17
  18. Mastros2

    Mastros2 Adventurer

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    I wasn't going to check out his page until I read this! Haha, funny ish!
    #18
  19. supercub

    supercub ass-less chaps rule!

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    im gunna vote for this guy for prez!!!!!!!!!:bubba
    #19
  20. MikeV

    MikeV Testicular Fortitude

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    I found the report about a year ago and read about half of it. Now I have time to finish reading, but the link doesn't work. Domain name change or somethin'?
    Anyone know where I can find the page?

    I wonder if Natethepostman read this RR...
    #20