Dear Ma, I Joined a Motorcycle Gang and We’re Going on a Trip

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by Alexa, Jul 18, 2020.

  1. Alexa

    Alexa I think I don't know

    Joined:
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    Dear Ma,

    I joined a motorcycle gang. It’s a small gang. My member number is 2. Skinny Beans—you remember Skinny Beans, don’t you? He’s the one who hot-rodded your lawnmower, which then ate your roses and trimmed your dog’s tail. I bet you remember him. Anyway, he’s our captain, or chief, or whatever you call the person leading the gang. Well, Skinny Beans and I are going on a motorcycle trip, sort of north and sort of west.

    I got a bike. It’s big and black and named Hobart. I know you think I’m superstitious naming my vehicles, but I swear they have souls, and if you don’t name ‘em, they get ornery. That’s what happened to your Plymouth, I bet. The bike is a DR650—that’s 650 cool cups of power. More than I need, and more than I’ve ever ridden, but I’m not concerned. I can handle it. If I can handle Skinny Beans, I can handle this bike. It’s more the fact that I‘m 5’3” and weigh 100 pounds, and it would take three of me to make a fair match with Hobart. Maybe that’s why you sometimes see three and sometimes even four small people on one bike. But I don’t have three, or even two, other people who want to ride the bike with me, but that’s okay because I have a lot of luggage.

    Your daughter, Penelope

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    #1
  2. Alexa

    Alexa I think I don't know

    Joined:
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    Dear Mrs. Crane,

    Peanut told me about the letter you wrote her, and about your concerns. First of all, let me assure you that our gang is not full of hooligans, and we have no intention of committing any hooliganery. We just wanna ride bikes on the open road and camp out in the nature. As you know from the lawnmower incident, I’m pretty good with motors and wrenches and such, so we shouldn’t find ourselves stranded out there. I love your daughter, and I won’t let any harm come to a hair on her head.

    By the way, Peanut told me to tell you that she named my bike Magnum. It’s a KTM 690 Enduro, and it’s super cool. It will carry most of the weight. Peanut’s bike is mostly carrying toilet paper and other dry goods.

    Hope your rheumatism flares down soon.

    Skinny Beans

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    #2
  3. Davidprej

    Davidprej Davidprej Supporter

    Joined:
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    This one sounds different. Interesting. Dare I say, unique. In.
    #3
  4. Alexa

    Alexa I think I don't know

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Oddometer:
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    Location:
    near the sun
    Dear Ma,

    We left Reno today in a heat wave. Right away, we were stuck behind a train of trucks spewing dust at us. Our first day, and already I look like one of those mud wrestling girls because dust and sweat make mud.

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    Highway 89 between the Little Truckee River and Graeagle sure is pretty. It’s the quintessential Sierra Nevada mountain scenery with pine trees and deciduous trees cut through by small creeks with grassy shores.

    Didn’t take long before all the heat made me sleepy, so we rode up a dirt road and camped on the flattest spot we could find, which wasn’t very flat at all, and which put a crick in both of our necks.

    Your Penelope
    #4
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  5. PhactoryFil

    PhactoryFil Adventurer Supporter

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    Nov 3, 2017
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    Denver, CO
    Hell yeah, in.
    #5
  6. BillUA

    BillUA Las Vegas, NV

    Joined:
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    708
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    Las Vegas Nevada
    In!!
    #6
  7. Norty01

    Norty01 RIDERCOACH (RETIRED!)

    Joined:
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    Location:
    CARLSBAD, CA, USA
    Uses the word "deciduous" correctly in post #4?

    I'm gonna hang around for this.
    #7
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  8. 9Realms

    9Realms Drawn in by the complex plot

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    :lurk
    #8
  9. freewheelin'

    freewheelin' Been here awhile Supporter

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    evanston wy.
    Me too.
    #9
  10. JustKip

    JustKip Long timer

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    Fresno, CA
    Up til now, I was convinced that people who named their bikes lacked creativity...recalculating...

    and following
    #10
    Hannda and bike like this.
  11. borderlinebob

    borderlinebob Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2016
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    Location:
    CANADA-100 ft N of International Falls, MN
    Just following along wishing I was there...
    Seems like this will be an interesting trip. (story?)
    #11
  12. JasonFL

    JasonFL Adventurer

    Joined:
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    Fort Myers, FL
    In, stay away from the squirrels!
    #12
  13. glasshousebc

    glasshousebc Adventurer

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    British Columbia
    Brilliant start... thank you for raising a smile so quickly.
    #13
  14. chudzikb

    chudzikb Long timer Supporter

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    Ahhh, a writer! Always appreciated by the masses. A good sense of humor as well, also mostly appreciated, by those that get it.
    #14
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  15. Alexa

    Alexa I think I don't know

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Dear Ma,

    Learned something important today. I don’t know how big my gas tank is. It looks giant—curvy and bulging like Dolly Parton in her prime or like that time I thought Cousin Jethrine was carrying twins but turned out she was just addicted to diet food. Well anyway, by my estimation, the hideous engorged growth—and really the only eyesore on Hobart, unless you include the luggage—looked like it could hold a full load of dirty laundry, so I figured the tank had to be around 5 gallons. But I ran out of gas after only 84 miles. I am pretty good at math, and I am pretty sure now that the tank is not 5 gallons as I’m pretty sure I’m not getting only 15 miles to the gallon, and I’m also pretty sure it’s not a measly 2-gallon tank since I can safely assume Hobart averages at least 40 miles to the gallon, so something isn’t right. Anyway, we’re camped next to the Feather River, and I thank my lucky stars for stranding me in this here beautiful spot.

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    Hugs and kisses, Penelope
    #15
  16. Alexa

    Alexa I think I don't know

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Oddometer:
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    Dear Mrs. Crane,

    I know you are concerned about your little Peanut being out here in the wilderness wrestling her big bike, and I know you fret that she’s as skinny and frail as a newborn fawn, which she is, at least the skinny part, but I am skinny too as my name suggests, and I do hope you know that’s not my real name... Anyways, where was I? Oh right, and that she should be home baking cookies, but I think you will be pleased to know that she has been eating a lot of food. She has not baked any cookies as of yet, but last night for dinner she stirred up an apple pie that would surely win first prize at the state fair. I know this is a tall claim since your sweet potato pie is world famous around your parts, but Peanut knows how to bake a pie too. Anyways, her apple pie made me weak in the knees. It wasn’t a vanilla variety apple pie, for it was made on the ground and cooked in a fry pan on a camp stove. It had four layers like that Mexican restaurant television advertisement. It had a layer of tart apples covered by a layer of sweet white nectarines and generously topped in a layer of topping. She couldn’t fit her flour mill on her bike, so she had to improvise with buttermilk pancake mix. And since she couldn’t pack her ice cream maker neither, she made luscious hot fudge sauce to top it all off with. If she keeps cooking like this on our trip, I reckon I’m going to have to change my name to Chubby Beans.

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    Yours truly,

    Skinny (for now) Beans
    #16
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  17. JustKip

    JustKip Long timer

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    I'm camping wit the wrong crowd!
    #17
  18. RokLobster

    RokLobster Far from sanity Supporter

    Joined:
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    Mill Creek WA - Land of perpetual wet
    Most excellent start to this ride report! In for the long haul....
    #18
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  19. JLA49

    JLA49 Adventurer Supporter

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    Jan 19, 2014
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    MISSISSIPPI
    That does it; I'm in.
    #19
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  20. Slammin

    Slammin Been here awhile

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    Location:
    Woodstock, GA USA
    I’m thoroughly enjoying this. Hope you keep it going.
    #20
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