Insert clever airhead based title here ....

Discussion in 'Airheads' started by planktonnn, Aug 25, 2009.

?

I have been to the county of Fuckshire, it was ...

  1. Nice?

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  2. Nasty?

    49 vote(s)
    17.4%
  3. Nasty but nice?

    197 vote(s)
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Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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  2. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    Intermission -





    Alzo


  3. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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  4. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    Zo, I've oil under my nails again.​

    Being a responsible parade organiser, I went for a recce ride along the proposed route to check it out for event insurance purposes.

    Parade ha ha.jpg

    When first I awoke I was somewhat perturbed to note that I had once again been harassed during the night by the bluddy mossie that's been skulking somewhere in my bedroom for the last couple of nights. Damn thing's been hiding from me when I look for it with impro-swatter in hand, but then, as soon as I put the light off, it swoops down & buzzes right by my ear just as I'm dropping off to uber-taunt me. I will of course win the imaginary war, not least because my sleep-med saturated blood will in the end do for it, but in the meantime it's 9-nil to the busy little bastich, which has a nasty almost tactical habit of biting me on the inside of the forearm up by the eblow (ha, haha, cough), making me out to be some kind of multipunctured injecto-fiend...

    I was, due to 'them things', mucho more than a year late in getting the DMW up as transport in Ldn, and the Motorsickle's been static since I rode it here & parked it up, whenever that was. Seemed to me the (AGM) battery needed a little generator action not least because I'm 5 or so floors away from plugging in a trickler, and, as you'll understand, the built environment hereabouts reflects sound all around so as to make charging whilst parked a no-no. And anywah, if I wasn't going to ride it why do I own it?

    As I do every morn the primo-pronto thing I did was stick my head oooot the window to check the Motosickle's not been stolen or knocked over by someone who can't judge the end of their car, as it seems many can't. To be fair in either case they'd probably set-a-blare the M-Unit horn alarm (& tax the battery), which would have woke me anywah.

    But I still like to check.

    You know how 'it' is...

    It was still there because anxiety is probably mostly unnecessary (if unavoidable), however I did note that marymary-quite to predictions there was cloud in't sky & rain in the air, + on the ground too. That's what it does you know. Zo I took my morning coffee & a gasper whilst waiting for the air to clear, which took a measurable while, during which I vacillated on go/no-go + blahblah other things blahblah, until it turned out to be a go.

    Don't touch that dial as we proceed to Part B, in which I don a disguise -​

    Maibar Knitted Beard.png
    attrb linky...


    :1drink
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  5. rightsideup

    rightsideup Get your motor running...

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    Screenshot 2021-10-11 at 10.44.54.png

    I hope you don't mind but I've had to revise the parade route a bit. It was a different embassy and the nurses hostel no longer exists so I thought we could finish at 'The Vicarage' at the top of Grove Road. I know the DMW is all historic'd up so we should be fine?
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  6. rightsideup

    rightsideup Get your motor running...

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    Screenshot 2021-10-11 at 10.51.50.png
    Complete return route should need around 0.5 litres of the smokiest 2-Stroke oil I can find!

    Edit to add that I've decided to mix a little of this in with the 2 stroke oil for maximum nostalgia (and smoke).
    IMG_1181.jpg
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  7. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    In all frankness there'd long been an anxiety about taking up riding in Ldn, and whilst it's abated some it's still there of course. There's natch a number of causative/correlative factors, tho/ough in the end concerns about riding strategies will be overcome by application & thought. But as for other sources of trubble, well I can't do anything about just how other peeple drive or ride, can I.

    Anywah, I'd selected a route & destination for simplicity & ease of navigation, zo when the cloudiness & precipitation moved off I gathered the gear & made my way down & out to the Motosickle. In with a key to de-alarm it, off with the cover (into my backpack) and I took off the two chains. One went round the tank as usual, the other into the napsack.

    Then I pulled the choke & pushed the button to bring the Motosickle into life. I'm cognizant of the way sound reflects & amplifies around here, and how peeple love to moan, so I just ran it up briefly/gently to see the charging kick in, and as I did a local resident walking by on the other side of the road. Cue passive aggressive complaint. Sure enough there was some exaggerated wincing and a finger ostentatiously prodded into the ear in manifest disapproval. Fekk orf I thought to myself...

    I pulled across to the nearby junction & checked all was well, at which point I was enthusiastically approached by another rider, who it later turned out was the bloke who parks his Motosickle half a block down. If I'd know this I guess I might have had some kind of discourse with him, however as it was I just chatted for a mo then set off into the traffic. It being a Sunday there wasn't that much about, and I rode up to the junction with Oxfraud St, at which point I would have liked to turn right but there's no right turn there. Wooh - EXCITING.

    Thus, as shown in the above route I cut up to Wigmore St & ran along that to the junction with Langham Place & Regents St. Straight across there & down Gt Portland St until I could turn left onto Oxfraud St just east of Oxfraud Circus. As much as anything I'd gone this way because I know it and this gave me a little 'in hand' when it came to navigating whilst being dive bombed by cyclists & scooterists. None of this is at all interesting, but there you go...

    Zo, up thru/ough Tottenham Court Circus, and above Holborn up to Theobolds Rd. I think it was at this point that I ran a red light.


    When at the last I contemplate my life, if you could call it that, this won't be one of the cherished memories. On the other hand, I didn't hit anyone or anything, and nothing hit me. I'd been sitting on a red for a while, and the pedestrians halted. In that small moment the van next to me revved & jumped forward a bit so I went, but this turned out to be just prior to the light changing. So, not an enormous trafficular error, but there you go.

    Rolling on Clerkenwell Rd & onto Old St, to the roundabout there, which is currently subject to extensive works. Down past that to the former location of The Foundry, where I was once sold as a piece of art for £20 quid pounds. It's now being developed as a 27-storey Art’otel. Yay... And as I neared my sad destination I donned my actual disguise -

    Dscf0011.jpg




    Stand by for a gripping Part C, wherein even less happens.

    :1drink
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  8. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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  9. rightsideup

    rightsideup Get your motor running...

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    I like this.
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  10. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    Fux-ache..

    Somebody just knocked the DMW over.
  11. rightsideup

    rightsideup Get your motor running...

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    Fuckers, it used to happen to me about once a month when I lived there.
  12. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    Aye, well it's something around a month on the road so I guess it must be one of the universal constants? Bluddy ejits...

    The mechanics of exactly how it occurred aren'y clear, but I heard the alarm start & then a thud. Looking out the window I saw the driver getting out of their car, and from it's position it's now really clear what could have happened. As I went down passing builders helped to pick it up, words were exchanged, I checked the Motosickle & got the drivers contact details. There's no visible damage, except that the cover has been torn some under the bike.

    If this becomes a frequent event I'm going to have to set up a machine gun nest...

    :1drink
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  13. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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  14. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    Ah, the Motorsickle alarm just went orf, tho/ough on this occasion it was the Polis propping their decaled pedalbike up against it.

    Leaning out the window, as you do in W1 (or you stand on each corner in turn as the local Reg [who is called Reg] does everyday) I heard a pedicab come blaring down the street, coming the 'wrong way' soundsystem doing its trashy worst. Glancing, it appeared to be being chased by two cyclists. Pedi-Plods I think they're called? The cyclecabs are a well known 'scourge' round these parts. They park up by Selfridges or Bond St tube & ensnare the unwary at £10 quid pounds per person per minute...




    And when they're not siphoning money from tourist pockets they're conveying pissed up city boys at 2am to the local Working Girls, installed in nearby flats by omnipresent thugs.

    Anywah, the pedicab pulled over just by the DMW, and one of the Pedi-Plods stopped the front side of it & leant his 'vehicle' on it... The word, I understand, is Pranny. Once the 30 second of beeping subsided I could then hear the Polis, who discharged the confused passengers & proceeded to feebly quiz the 'driver', who was tied up in all sorts of lies spewing out. He didn't know it was one way (he did, that's why they come this way); the customers told him to turn this way (as they walked of they asked directions, so why would..... aww forgeddit); it was his first day on the job (it isn't) etc. ad inf.

    None of it matters. Useless warnings were spouted, but no ticket. As if that would matter anywah. He went of the right way & back to the pick-up point by Bond St. The Polis cycled off the 'wrong' way & I called down 'Wrong Way'.

    Tha end :1drink
  15. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    Oh good, I don't need to be concerned about the grind holes any more...

    The cover's been nicked.
  16. rightsideup

    rightsideup Get your motor running...

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    I couldn't find a copy of it but there's a nice Ogri cartoon strip where he wires his bike directly to the mains to deter theft and interference - something you might want to consider if you've got a long extension lead?
  17. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    I'm going to either drill down thru/ough the road & connect to the street mains, or form myself into the shape of a Motosickle & hide under the new cover* to pounce on the fekkers...

    What can you do?



    * A short trip up to Holborn brought me to the nearest bike shop where a replacement was acquired at a clearance rate...
  18. rightsideup

    rightsideup Get your motor running...

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    A mere 0.3 of a mile away from my 'office' of choice as a despatch rider in times past.
    Screenshot 2021-10-24 at 00.06.02.png
  19. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    What colour plaque shall I arrange? :1drink
  20. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a [email protected]

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    Intermission