Life after death: my first solo trip

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by Candiya, Sep 23, 2013.

  1. Candiya

    Candiya Been here awhile

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    Thanks, bbanker. I'm making progress. Just have to buckle down and edit, edit, edit!
  2. vtwin

    vtwin Air cooled runnin' mon

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    Candiya, that was a well written and heartfelt ride report. I don't usually read r+r's much (I spend way too much time on Advrider already!:lol3) But since yours was linked with Anna's I thought I'd check it out. I think your helping others cope. I hope your healing process continues.
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  3. DrydenRider

    DrydenRider Sun Seeker

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    Re-reading this again after losing my dear riding partner friend, soul mate and wife to the dreaded cancer last month. Yours is one of the stories that came to mind in the days after and am now in the middle of Neil Pert's book. My days are a mix of emotions and I never know which one is going to rear its head next.

    My wife and i loved to ride and were planning so many more trips. I would plan and navigate and she would write about them. The letters she would send back home to friends and family i converted into ride reports.

    I truly hope you are doing better because when I see the world from your perspective it is hard to imagine that it ever will.

    for an FYI Here are our ride reports
    2011 My Wife'’s First Motorcycle Trip and her "Biker Stories from the Road" http://advrider.com/index.php?threads/my-wife’s-first-motorcycle-trip-and-her-biker-stories-from-the-road.828217/

    2012 My Wife's' 2012 big motorcycle trip and her "Biker Stories from the Road" http://advrider.com/index.php?threa...p-and-her-biker-stories-from-the-road.839391/

    2013 My Wife's Biker Stories from the Road III (Highway 89 Revisited)
    http://advrider.com/index.php?threa...rom-the-road-iii-highway-89-revisited.929790/

    2014 My Wife's Biker Stories from the road IV. "Round the Lakes" http://advrider.com/index.php?threa...ries-from-the-road-iv-round-the-lakes.994865/
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  4. Candiya

    Candiya Been here awhile

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    Oh dear friend, my heart goes out to you. Though we've never met, I feel that we share a kinship of traveling a similar journey. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of your soulmate, your partner in adventures exploring the open road. Only one month ago, no less. Thank you for sharing your ride reports. I can't wait to dig into them.

    You asked if I am doing better. This August will make 4 years for me, 4 years since Mike's accident. There were many times in those first couple of years when I wondered if I was going to make it. I felt broken. I wondered if I would ever feel joy again. Today, I can honestly say that I am doing much better. I have found joy again. Losing Mike was a hard reboot; it was a complete reset of myself and my life. Through the slow and painful process of rebuilding, I have become someone who appreciates the joy in the little moments - a good cup of coffee, the sun on my back, walking arm-in-arm with a friend. I still have my hard times, of course. Sometimes they're triggered by something external (most recently, the trigger was replacing the helmet I wore with Mike), and sometimes it's just that I long to hear his voice.

    As part of my healing journey, I started to write. As you alluded to above, the waves of emotions can be overwhelming. Writing gave me an outlet so the emotions wouldn't eat me from the inside out. Eventually, I decided to release my writings as a book, in the hope that it might help others. Shortly after releasing it, I did a talk at a grief group at the local hospital. It was facilitated by the same lady who led the group I attended after Mike's death. What an opportunity to see how far I've come. In the early weeks/months after Mike's accident, I was so stressed that I had memory problems, and I don't remember those times well. Hearing the grief group attendees talk reminded me of just how low I had been, such as having difficulty dealing with food, making meals for myself. About 2 years in, one of my big successes was having a friend over for dinner. A year later, I hosted a holiday party for the local motorcycle community. My journey of healing has been a slow process of small victories.

    I hope you'll excuse my rambling here. I offer these stories in the hope that they'll give you hope. Feel free to PM me if you're feeling low.
  5. DrydenRider

    DrydenRider Sun Seeker

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    Thank you so much for your thoughts. Was not aware that you wrote a book, although your talent for writing was evident in the report. I have ordered the book and look forward to reading it. I will be attending a grief workshop hosted by another author Jocelyn Faire. I know this is a long process and it is never really over. Your reply is a comfort that it does get better. Thank you again and take care.
    Candiya likes this.
  6. GreatWhiteNorth

    GreatWhiteNorth Long timer

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    Sorry for your loss Garth... thought that was what was happening. May she ride on in peace.
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  7. just jeff

    just jeff Long timer

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    Candia,
    I read your ride ride report when you first wrote it here. I am glad things are going better for you and I look forward to reading your book which I just purchased off Amazon.
    DrydenRider,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is a horrible disease. I have lost several relatives and friends to it including my Mother when she was just 53. Even though that was several years ago I still think of her nearly every day. Though it gets easier with time it is never easy.
    Best Regards....just jeff
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  8. Kel Than

    Kel Than The Diggle

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    It appears from your writing and your experience that Michael IS WITH YOU. Keep going...great stuff!
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  9. GreatWhiteNorth

    GreatWhiteNorth Long timer

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    Thnx Candiya for the great RR, and very sorry for your loss. Beautiful country out on the west coast - we used to live on Vancouver Island, still miss it, the big trees, scenery and weather.
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  10. just jeff

    just jeff Long timer

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    Hi Candia,
    I finished reading your book today and I must say I feel humbled. I read until I fell asleep with it in my hand last night and finished it this morning.
    Riveting or engrossing barely scratch the surface. I think the inappropriate black humor you wrote of is irony and a coping mechanism to help us through overwhelming tragedy. Just like in Reader's Digest....laughter is the best medicine!!
    Best Regards....just jeff
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  11. Pete Pilot

    Pete Pilot Been here awhile

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    Well this is truly worthy of a large bump. You are lucky to live in a place that is so close to a great many wonderful riding areas. To say nothing of you straight shot south to Baja. This is a ride report that has caused everyone that has read it to do some very serious thinking. My wife and I will be married 40 years come May 10. One of us will leave first. Our love is total, as a young man I never thought such love for anyone was possible. So like I said this RR has made us all think. Candia I very much hope you are happy and all is well. Are not motorcycles the most wonderful thing in the world? They bring so much happiness and freedom and also what better way to find the silent places. You have a friend in the country to the north, although he is on the coast on the orther side. Take Care Merlin
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  12. Folly1

    Folly1 Been here awhile Supporter

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    This report is a wonderful gift to us all.

    Thank you,

    Ben.
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  13. bbanker

    bbanker Been here awhile Supporter

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    I'm glad to see this thread pop up. One of my all time favorites. @Candiya did you ever finish your books? Ready to read them.
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  14. Baroquenride

    Baroquenride Everyone dies, but not everyone truly lives.

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    She published it about 4-5 years ago. Amazon has it but she'll pop in shortly and you could probably buy it from her and she'll get all the proceeds instead of just a slice.
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  15. bbanker

    bbanker Been here awhile Supporter

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    I'd prefer to buy it from her for sure.
  16. Candiya

    Candiya Been here awhile

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    Thank you, Pete Pilot, Folly1, bbanker, and Baroquenride, for all your kind thoughts. Boy, it's been a while since I've revisited this report. Yet again, I'm so glad I wrote it. At the time, it was invaluable in helping me process the ride and consciously acknowledge the lessons I'd learned and the gifts received on this trip. The process of posting it was transformative in that it was the first time I released my honest writing into the world - and the response was more than I ever could have hoped. Over and over again, I've found that when I meet people from a place of vulnerability, offering a piece of my truth, they meet me there, offering their own vulnerability, truth, pain, and gifts. I felt more connected (and buoyed up) here in this ride report through my exchanges with the inmates than I did in many other places of my life at that point. Today, I'm grateful that I wrote it because my memories of life back then are hazy to me now - and I still find value in this trip. I'm glad it's not lost. And I'm so very touched that others find value in it as well.

    Yes, I released my book a number of years ago. I did a lot of soul searching about my reasons for publishing it during the editing and ultimately decided that they were twofold: First, for myself, to take the leap of shedding light on all the things I never said out loud - releasing them into the world under my name, and second, for all my kindred grieving souls, in the hope that someone would find a piece of it that would speak their truth as well and give them some comfort. There is so much unspoken pressure to grieve in a certain way - and I didn't grieve that way. Maybe by sharing my experiences, someone else out there who wasn't following the script would see themselves and know that they weren't alone. My editor wanted me to remove all the negative parts and only leave the positive. I gave serious consideration to it but ultimately decided that no, the whole point of the book was to show both sides. It will never be a best seller - but that wasn't my goal. My hope is that it is a resource that is handed from one friend to another, in times of need - that it will trickle through the community and end up in the hands of someone it speaks to. There's no need to order it directly from me.

    This August will be 8 years since Mike's accident. I'm not sure what to write after that statement. My random thoughts: I'm doing much better. I am a different person today than before this loss - I think better in some ways and worse in others, but definitely stronger. Mike feels farther away now, which in some ways is a gift but in others is a loss. I still think about him and wonder what he would think of life today, such as the pandemic. His death makes sense in some ways, and in others, it never will.
  17. RedDogAlberta

    RedDogAlberta High Plains Drifter

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    Great stuff. My condolences for your loss.
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  18. 9w6vx

    9w6vx Adventurer

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    I read your RR and it was touching and raw.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions.

    Take care!
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  19. manshoon

    manshoon Been here awhile

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    Thank you for sharing such a personal ride report. As mush as I was intrigued by the title, I was very sorry to hear of your loss, and the pain that encompasses one during such trying times. I am glad you're in a better place today, and hope you haven't given up or lost your ambition for more solo adventures.
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  20. Candiya

    Candiya Been here awhile

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    No, I've definitely kept my ambition for solo adventures! Last year, I tacked on a couple extra days to a business trip in Tennessee - rented a Street Triple and spent a couple days riding solo in the Great Smoky Mountains. You never saw such a big smile on my face!
    [​IMG]

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