Oz Is Killer Critter Central: How Do I Know Where It's Safe To Camp?

Discussion in 'Australia' started by nicholastanguma, Feb 15, 2020.

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  1. nicholastanguma

    nicholastanguma nicholastanguma Supporter

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    Here in the USA there's a running joke that everything in Australia wants to kill you, both land and sea. Of particular concern to a motorcyclist of course are the variety of landborn nasties: Oz has the world's most venomous spiders, most venomous snakes, all kinds of venomous insects, 14 species of giant pythons, crocodiles the size of trucks, suicidal kangaroos and wallabies, and even the silly platypus has a poisonous heel spur that can kill a human with one strike.

    So how do I as a foreign rider know when it's safe to pitch my tent for the night when I'm exploring the bush? I know any Aussie could taunt me with a similar question about kodiak bears, grizzly bears, black bears, brown bears, wolves, wolverines, cougars, rattlesnakes, coral snakes, water moccasins, black widows, brown recluses, alligators, and psychopaths with a firearm fetish, but I'm being serious. If everything Down Under is vengeful against humanity how can I sleep soundly at night when I'm riding through the bush? How do I even know where it's safe to pitch a tent?
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  2. AUSSIEADV

    AUSSIEADV 2wo left foots

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    Drop bears mate. Just watch the drop bears. Otherwise pitch ya tent. We do.

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  3. Sunosauno

    Sunosauno Adventurer

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  4. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Pitch the tent. Keep it zipped closed. Do not leave boots outside (snakes like the warmth, spiders like the dark) or helmets (fire-ants, bull-ants, spiders). Watch where you shit and look out for wriggly sticks. Don't have open packets of food - wombats will push through a tent looking for it. Don't feed the emus and don't eat the cane toads - and you'll be right.
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  5. nicholastanguma

    nicholastanguma nicholastanguma Supporter

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    Oh, yeah, this too. Dying from a bite on yer bum, insult to injury, that!
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  6. lentil

    lentil King of the Dad Joke and Senior Status Legume Super Moderator

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    Taken by a workmate today
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  7. Richarde1605

    Richarde1605 Long timer

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    Well interesting questions that you pose.
    The only way to know is to pitch and find out, a lace monitor in your tent generally means that you drink and yarn more before sleeping. They do taste nice if prepared well,
    We don’t have bears on our continent.
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  8. Richarde1605

    Richarde1605 Long timer

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    Concise skills post, when nature is trying to kill you don’t have much time!
    Seek help if attempting anything Australia, less guns skills, more roustabout.
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  9. Dr AT

    Dr AT Long timer

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    If you see a pile of human bones, no worries - the drop bears have already eaten.
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  10. Richarde1605

    Richarde1605 Long timer

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    Dare I say camp there, at least you have some ‘high’ ground.
    Not sure if Stralian animals read books, many have jump.
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  11. cascade63

    cascade63 Been here awhile

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    I heard a story once ( maybe a tall tale ) but when the US of A were over here on a Kangaroo exercise way back when, they were always told to roll their sleeping bags up from the top to bottom as they weren't using tents, just hoochies like we were. Then when they got back in at night to flick the bags out to get rid of any nasties. One apparently didn't follow said method and climbed straight into his beg whence he was bitten a few times by a very pissed off taipan.

    Don't think I have ever spoken to anyone who has had any troubles with nasties out bush in all honesty. If you are that worried then might be best to bypass Aus and go straight to NZud, nothing down there has the energy to kill you !!!!
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  12. Dr AT

    Dr AT Long timer

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    Coz they're all dead. :dunno

    To be fair, you're more likely to fie from falling off the bike or slipping on a grape in the supermarket...but can't we tell a few ghost stories tonight?
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  13. Richarde1605

    Richarde1605 Long timer

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    A death is just around the corner for all, mostly just have a laugh and drink some piss?

    Most sensible people invite you for dinner to commemorate the Vimy flight.

    Tavas
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  14. Richarde1605

    Richarde1605 Long timer

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    Fie fo fi fum, don’t even ask about the English man.
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  15. Dr AT

    Dr AT Long timer

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    I'm still pome enough to camp within range of a gum tree DSC_1830.jpg
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  16. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    This type of question from someone living in the Americas always amuses me, they're so scared of little things that are easy to avoid.

    I spent six months on a bike touring & camping around the US & Canada and very quickly became aware that they have things wandering around that continent that will tear tents apart to get whatever is inside.

    I spent more than a few nights trying to sleep in spite of my concerns about every slight noise I heard. Yet, here in 'dangerous' Australia I've slept well in tents over many years knowing that zipping up that tent was going to keep out every and any creature that might harm me in any way. (Edit: except near water when in the north of this continent)

    I do not know one person among my motorcycling friends & acquaintances who has suffered anything worse than an annoying insect bite while camping.

    I did meet some people at a Centre Rally (Alice Springs 1978 I think) who chose the wrong person to camp with on their way home from that rally and were never seen again. So the only things I fear when camping are others of my own species...
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  17. nicholastanguma

    nicholastanguma nicholastanguma Supporter

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    Excellent insight based on real world comparison, thank you very much.

    You're right about furry things here in North America tearing into tents to get at the soft squishy things inside, of course--bears are known to tear into automobiles and camper trailers, too, so tents mean nothing to them. Cougars and wolves like to keep away from humans whenever possible, but bears in some places have become so accustomed to associating humans with food that they easily decide humans are the food.

    But insects and arachnids and snakes, man, now those are creepy and insidious, good to know all I need is a zipped up tent.
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  18. Paul124ac

    Paul124ac Long timer

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    As others have said, nothing much to really worry about if you take basic precautions, biggest threat is other campers. I’ve met some weird and dangerous people. Still alive but. Most of the deaths we get are people getting hopelessly lost wearing inappropriate gear during bad weather.

    That all changes when you get up north. Big lizards, they don’t care about tent zips, you’ll see a lot of rooftop type tents on 4wds and no tents or swags near water. Mind you it’s far more dangerous going to the bottleo in some northern towns.

    One more thing that’s dangerous, don’t camp in a dry river bed. They do make the best campsite, but trust me don’t do it, especially in the Flinders Ranges.
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  19. MultiDV8

    MultiDV8 Been here awhile

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    In 50 years of bush camping in this great country the only thing that cased me some minor discomfort was a tick on the eyelid.
    The only animals that are likely to harm you, and they're the ones that I actively avoid are feral ones that have 2 legs.
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  20. nicholastanguma

    nicholastanguma nicholastanguma Supporter

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    Really? I mean, every country with wide open spaces has some methheads or psychopaths or maladjusted rednecks living alone in the wilderness, but please explain?


    But crocs don't venture far from the water, right? Over here every story about some alligator snatching and eating some hapless human is always accompanied by a story about how that human fell off his fishing boat in a Louisiana swamp or ventured too near a stagnant pond in Florida or something similar. Gators are a zero concern if you're not near their water, so I'm assuming it's the same with crocs?


    Bottleo?


    Okay, I won't put my swag there, thanks for the tip. But why? If the bed's dry, there are no crocs, right? Or is the problem flash flooding?
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