Probably the worst damn ride report of all time.....

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by TurnerR, Jun 17, 2016.

  1. TurnerR

    TurnerR Ride motorcycles, have fun

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    I'm glad you guys are enjoying it! I'm having a damn ball. In Memphis Tx now gonna hit Amarillo after some water and fuel, then jump onto i40/rt66. I'll update this evening. Later
    #41
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  2. digcolnagos

    digcolnagos Bewildered

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    Well...

    Perhaps a tangent, but a few years back, I was riding home from the West Coast, trying to make time after sundown across eastern Colorado when the skies opened up. It was fierce---rain like nobody's business coming sideways, wind so strong that I couldn't go faster than 30 mph, and dark to boot--visibility was less than 100 feet, I'm sure, and I'm scared to death that a semi will come up from behind and swallow me. No exits, no overpasses, no place at all to take shelter from a storm that just kept coming. There were, however, signs along the highway promising sanctuary at a motel just across the border in Kansas. The signs promised rooms for $30, and there was a Christian fish symbol on the signs, so I knew that the innkeeper was a person of God. When I got to the motel, literally swimming to the front desk like the proverbial drowned rat, I was informed that all of the $30 rooms were taken. If I wanted shelter, I would have to pay $65. I had no real choice, given that I was untold miles from a town, and Mister Born Again at the front desk knew it. And so I got gouged as badly as I've ever been gouged for anything. It was the second-worst room I've ever stayed in (we can talk later about the motel in Oakland where I felt compelled to hide my wallet and camera in the toilet tank). Avocado shag carpet. TV didn't work. Cigarette burns on every hard surface and linoleum peeling up in the bathroom. So bad I slept in my sleeping bag for fear of cooties in the sheets. Got out of there first thing in the morning and was hit again by a big storm just outside Topeka on the other side of the state. Fortunately, I found an underpass and was hunkered down, trying in vain to light my last cigarette in the wind and rain when a Yukon pulled up behind me. The driver beckoned. Hop in, he said, and so I did. Wanna beer, he asked. Of course--he had a cooler in the back seat. Smoke? Sure I said, and he gave me a Camel. He told me that he was on his way home from golfing and knew what it was like to get caught in the rain on a motorcycle. The storm passed after 20 minutes or so and he went on his way. I'd been seeing signs for several miles advertising "Midwest's Finest Gentleman's Club" at a Topeka exit. Can't recall exactly why, but I took that exit. There, parked in front of the topless bar, was the Yukon. Of course I stopped, figuring I'd buy the guy a beer. Turns out he owned the place. My money was no good. He bought me a steak dinner, we talked about motorcycles, and he invited me to his home to spend the night and get my laundry done. I hadn't finished eating before he skedaddled, after telling the staff that I had an open tab. Unfortunately, I had to be at work the next day and so couldn't take him up on his offer of a place to stay.

    Now, there are people in this world who will tell you that proprietors of topless clubs are, by definition, evil, but I say no. Sometimes things are situational, I think. For example, the alleged Christian who gouged me likely would not have done that if the skies had been clear. Along the same lines, the guy in Topeka would not have stopped if there had not been a storm. Long way of saying, you can't judge a book by its cover, and I'm not so much interested in labels as the person.
    #42
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  3. bmwtravis

    bmwtravis Adventurer

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    Well said Dig's

    Report is going great. Ride safe
    #43
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  4. Gale B.T.

    Gale B.T. Long timer

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    " Long way of saying, you can't judge a book by its cover, and I'm not so much interested in labels as the person."]
    Gotta believe our HIGHER POWER works in strange and wonderful ways. I knew for sure when I met Vermin/Cack in such a manner.
    #44
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  5. Harps_n_chops

    Harps_n_chops n00b

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    That's really a great start to your adventure man. Meeting these folks along the way that share their story are making yours even more memorable. I gotta say, I'm really envious of this trip! You'll have to save a couple of choice stories to share with us in August.
    I'm gonna guess that your wavy pics are either from high revs, which I've experienced the couple of times when my phone was mounted on my bike and I'm capturing video. It always smooths out when the rpm's are lower....the thing is, your arm should be buffering that tho...so, maybe it's due to an exposure time setting on your phone. See if you can adjust the settings to put it on a "sports" setting, that may stop it....However I DO like the mystical brown acid explanation from the friend above, and then maybe it's just the Chopper Gods fondling your images :thumb
    #45
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  6. digcolnagos

    digcolnagos Bewildered

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    Eat the brown acid.
    #46
  7. davesupreme

    davesupreme grand poobah

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    silly not to.....
    #47
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  8. Gyro1

    Gyro1 n00b

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    Sounds like you are really meeting some cool people along the way. And having a good time. The dude that hung with sonny got me. And the tractor bike was a cool pic. Stay safe my friend. And I can't wait till you get back. And tell me all the great story's.
    #48
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  9. KCgran

    KCgran n00b

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    I got "God bless you sir" from a stoned stripper for jump starting her car in the strip club parking lot so she could take her John out to turn a trick. I still laugh at that. Point is in most people's eyes she was swimming in the bottom of the pond, the lowest of the low, but she had better manners than most people these days!!!
    #49
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  10. TurnerR

    TurnerR Ride motorcycles, have fun

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    I made it to Amarillo about 5pm yesterday, kept passing another chopper fella named Matt several times I had seen on social media. I had called a buddy who's been around the country several times on his bikes and driving trucks asking about fuel on i40. He reassured me I'd be fine. As I was fueling up Matt got ahold of me and was at HD shop so I met him over there where we planned to see Cadillac Ranch. I debated going on into New Mexico but decided I'd camp with him and we'd get some 70weight for his '51 Pan/Shovel in the morning.

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    We went to the KOA where we split a site, first time I've paid for camping and having to pay my half of $28 hurt. (I'm a cheap bastard) Luckily Cindy was nice and had her lingerie was in the background.... Scandalous minx

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    We headed out to the atm after setting up and dicking off for a while. Took a bit to find. Decided we would try the famous steak house I kept seeing signs for. We pulled up at 10:20 and they were closing. DENIED!! iHop sufficed. We got some oil this morning at a badass Indy shop, he liked our scooters. Currently at the midway cafe down rt. 66

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    I've been having fun riding. I'll try to do a little better writing tonight. Later
    #50
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  11. goodcat

    goodcat Changing latitudes, altitudes and attitudes

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    20160414_204927.jpg Talk about "a blast from the past" RR......this is awesome duderino. And your writing is just fine ma maan. That pic of yer
    scoot on the 66 marker is a wall hanger fer sure. Luv that old space helmet too Lol.

    PS. ...do you mind if I post a pic of my old choppa on here? It just seems so fitting. I'll delete it if you want. It's a '72 Triumph rat
    #51
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  12. tonyjuliano

    tonyjuliano Grumpy Santa

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    Philly, Yo!
    Old? Don't think so - although it is vintage-looking.

    I believe that is a brand new Biltwell Bonanza, equipped with one of their bubble shields.
    #52
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  13. goodcat

    goodcat Changing latitudes, altitudes and attitudes

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    Old styled is more what I meant.
    #53
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  14. TurnerR

    TurnerR Ride motorcycles, have fun

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    Fuck what a day.... After the midway point on 66 we got back on 40 west. The wind was messing with Matt and he was getting sleepy. We got onto 66 again and I couldn't handle much more of it. It wouldn't be bad if you can run it at speed. Those 35mph zones are brutal. My bike soaks up the abuse at 70+ but I hate the slow speeds, plus the sun was directly overhead. At a red light I told Matt I was headed back to 40, I'd see him in Cali.

    I decided to fill up again before I hammered down. By now it was 2:00pm, and we had went just 112 miles. I go to use my card and its declined.... Fuck.... Not what you want to see when you're across the country from home. I check the bank and I have over 2 grand in there, what gives?? I call the 1-800 number only to get more confused and frustrated. Finally I just call my home branch to which the lady says, "Aren't you that boy going cross country on that motorcycle??" I inform her that's me, and I'm currently not having access to my bank account. She told me she'd call back..........

    Now I have some cash with me, and while I considered heading home, I relaxed and said at least I'll go to the show then head back. I get a call back to hear some good news. She gives me a different number to call and says all will be ok. Ok lady, whatever you say. I call these new digits and have to enter a handful of security answers correctly then poof my card is working again. Apparently getting 1-1.5 gallons of gas at a time looks like fraudulent activity. So thank you BB&T for looking out for me.

    Now it's 3pm and I've gone 115 miles.... No sooner than leaving the station New Mexico becomes amazing. Formations started erupting from the ground, cliffs are all around me, it finally feels like I'm in the west. The trees and landscape eliminate those crosswinds from the plains, so I decide to make up some time. For 90 miles I was passed by 1 car, a beautiful Challenger with extensive work done. Subtle touches that made the car pop to a detail freak like myself. He gave me the thumbs up and blasted by. For that hour and a half I felt like I was really something! The throttle pulled all the way back to the stop, the shotgun pipes nearly shooting flames. It would probably be way more impressive if it wasn't an 883........
    *Side note*
    People bash these little motors, but I've been getting 50-58 mpg and when I got 50 I was literally pinned the entire time. Ive had my ass on a lot of bikes and people are so ignorant when they believe that 1200 is soooo much faster. The transmission is lower on an 883 that's why if you displace it to 1200cc it will always win in a drag race. Thank god I don't feel the need to compensate.....

    I would ride for every 50-90 miles. Eventually totaling just a bit over 400 today. The last part of the day was magical. New Mexico sunsets sure are breathtaking. I wanted to have my dirtbike out here so flipping bad. There are trails EVERYWHERE! People were parking on the side of 40 to unload and then off they went into the distance. I could see trails for miles and miles. As the sun was setting the weather changed from nice and a little warm to absolutely perfect. I mean it could not have been any better. The sad thing about the west is just how fast the daylight disappears. It got dark quick but all was good so I kept trucking. I had talked to a cop earlier who informed me that elk run wild out there which blew me away. I hadn't seen a single bit of roadkill in the whole state, and the fact that they had elk was astonishing. I rode slow and upon arriving at my last fuel stop I was getting chilled....

    Out came the vanson leather jacket. I left it partly unzipped like the Elvis painting I had seen earlier in the day and that would soon be an issue. Despite every single person I know telling me not to ride tired, not to ride in the dark, and not to ride in the rain I did all three. I was getting so sleepy, I could tell I was swerving slightly. My slow speeds were soon full throttle. That isn't like me. Normally I stay alert to stay alive. I decided that I'd stop in red rock at the casino. I've been craving a steak this whole trip and still haven't had one.... The billboards advertised steak and eggs for 6 bucks. Perfect!!! Less than 10 miles from the casino, in New Mexico, at night I saw lightning. Shit. Shit shit shit. I felt a sprinkle. Then a second. Then the bottom fell out. Craaaaaaaaaaap. I don't want to get rear ended from a semi, but I could barely see. I darted off the first exit. In an instant it stopped. Bone dry. Except me. I pulled off to the side of the road to check the radar. Random showers. I remembered the stories about snakes coming onto the road at night for heat so in a moment of panic I grabbed clutch for a split second dropped into 1st and never let off the gas. I wish that had been on video actually. It really looked like I meant to do that.... Between rain and the thought of snakes my best bet was to find a room.

    This proved to be a nuisance. The first place I went referred me to days inn. They wanted 150 a night. F that. Next door wanted 30. The door was locked but they had a number on the door. I called and a fella answered told me he'd be there in a second. 30 minutes go by and he pulls up in the backseat of a lifted Chevy with cockstar wheels. I instantly knew this wouldn't go well. He says 30 bucks pay up, and I said not till I see the room. He says fine, goes to get a key which takes 10 minutes. Both of his feet were not out of that office when he said, "Come on! Do you want to see it or not?!?" This was the first time I had gotten angry this whole trip... I said homie I was ready 40 fucking minutes ago I've been waiting on your slow unprofessional ass. He seemed shocked I said that. When he opened the room and I didn't even walk in. Fuck that. I'll sleep in the damn ditch before I put my ass on that disgusting bed.

    10 minutes north had so much better options. I saw a neat looking place with a bar. Finally a fucking beer! I ask to see the room and it's super clean. I'll take it! I walk into the bar and the music stops. Literally. Just like the movies. A whole room of Hispanic eyes are on this gringo and they seem irritated. So naturally I do my thang. 1 Budweiser please, I'll start a tab. About 30 seconds pass when someone says "What kinda leather is that homes?" I respond with "Just my jacket pal, Turner, what's your name?" He tells me his, and asks what I'm riding. Then asks to see it. Now I'm slightly nervous. I have a room full of a bike club and you can cut the tension with a knife. My quick thinking reminds me that I have about $3,000 less than insurance will pay in my bike. So if they steal it I'm coming out ahead even with a rental car back home. He's totally floored that I'm from TN and riding this death trap to Cali and beyond. We talk bikes for a while. He quizzes me then asked me my view on clubs. This is the second time this trip I've been asked that, the first by the Gypsy Joker in Texas. I gave my reasons why I'm not in an MC and he seems to respect my honest answer. Soon he informs me the bar is his clubs hangout, they have already asked the Honda ST rider to leave as well as the couple in the Toyota Yaris. Knowing I'm seriously outnumbered I said my apology I wasn't aware just thirsty. He said any gringo riding a rigid through New Mexico in one day can party with them, so that first one is on their tab not mine. Score. I return the favor and buy him a beer while meeting the other members and prospects. Fuck I would hate being a prospect.... He gave me his card with his cell. Told me if I have issues with any MC between here and Cali give them that card and call them. I'm welcome in this town anytime.

    Today was a good day. Over 400 miles and fantastic scenery. I love motorcycles. I don't care what brand or what style I love riding bikes. This is the best damn trip I've ever been on.

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    Ps. I'm drunk as hell. Hope I didn't mess anything up.
    #54
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  15. Gyro1

    Gyro1 n00b

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    dude this is the best adventure story I have read since Huck Finn. Awesome story man. And dang dude I always knew you where a great rider. But never knew you where a great writer. Would have loved to laid my eyeballs on that 30.00 room. Lol. and the Hispanic bar. Stay safe my friend.
    #55
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  16. rtwpaul

    rtwpaul out riding... Supporter

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    Dude have fun out there and this should be your avatar, very cool
    #56
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  17. gperkins

    gperkins graeme

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    Love your style TurnerR, here's me, trying to do my best Peter Fonda impersonation back in 84, somewhere in Arizona. I've ridden in extreme heat in Oz, but I reckon this was the hottest.

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    #57
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  18. RedDogAlberta

    RedDogAlberta High Plains Drifter

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    This adventure delivers! :clap
    #58
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  19. Ginger Beard

    Ginger Beard Instagram @motopossum

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    Hell....Yes!! :freaky
    #59
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  20. adventurebound9517

    adventurebound9517 Long timer

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    If you ride back through New Mexico you have to find some [ New ] Mexican food in Albuquerque it's the best. On second thought, your from Tennessee, you wouldn't know good from bad. :jack
    Phillip
    #60
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