Probably the worst damn ride report of all time.....

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by TurnerR, Jun 17, 2016.

  1. kdxdude

    kdxdude Adventurer

    Joined:
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    24
    Great report! Sounds like a helluva trip!!! Seriously thinking about Dual Sporting Glacier National Park, just you & I. You in? Be safe, have fun!

    Sent from my SCH-S968C using Tapatalk
    TurnerR likes this.
  2. Dan Diego

    Dan Diego Long timer

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Tampa Bay
    QUOTES:

    "The river was kind of lame. I expected more. I know how my girlfriend feels now...."

    "I would have liked to imagine it was the spirit of David Mann and tried to get a photo of them running next to me riding. Turns out it wasn't Mann at all it was just some wild horses. They stopped and so did I. You could see the wild in their eyes. I knew the feeling."

    Yeah, I'm enjoying your RR.
  3. bk brkr baker

    bk brkr baker Long timer

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    10,496
    Location:
    The Bluegrass
    If you want to feel the power of the Big Muddy you have to get on it.

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    Ride the ferry that runs between Dorena , Mo. and Hickman . Ky. , cost me $5 with my moto. The trip is 5 miles or so as Hickman is south of Dorena . You get a real feel for the currents.

    Your girlfriend would approve.
    TurnerR, pfalcioni and voodoo child like this.
  4. keithg

    keithg Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2007
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    364
    Location:
    PRESCOTT VALLEY AZ
    What a trip...............
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  5. Allucaneat

    Allucaneat When do we stop to eat? Supporter

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    @TurnerR It's been almost three days since we've heard from you. Where are you now? Very entertaining report and great pictures!

    Give us some more stories, please!
    Gyro1, TurnerR and oldmantime like this.
  6. TurnerR

    TurnerR Ride motorcycles, have fun

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Oddometer:
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    Location:
    Cleveland, TN
    So between no service at the show, and limited battery life I'm back. When I first pulled up to Cooks Corner Friday night for the pre party I had no plan of where I would stay. As I'm getting off my bike a woman with purple hair walks up flipping out about my tank. So I say hop on it! She laughs hoping it's mine and I'm not giving permission for some strangers bike, and an instant connection is made. I meet her friends who ask about my story. I tell them if they know of a camp pass let me know I want it. Now these are LA locals, so one of their friends decides he would rather sleep in his own bed and get his money back. Score. Not only can I camp at the show, but I can ride my bike into the show and that covers my entry fee as well.

    The party is winding down, and I'm getting tired so I ask which way is the show. Everyone points left up the hill. Everyone was an asshole it was not left.... I rode about 8 miles up the rode and pulled into a campground. It didn't look right. It was national forest, RV campground. There were lots of bikes so I tried to meet my new friends. Luckily Alison was the only one with decent battery and I got her number to meet up with everyone. She informed me that I was completely across the canyon head the other way. Now I normally don't use GPS but figured why not, it should be close. I was wrong. The next hour and a half I spent running up and down the road trying to find this damn campsite. I passed it over 6 times. The small sign was so difficult to see at night. Luckily I wasn't the only loser lost, some other guys were stopped looking at their phones too....

    Once in camp I was overwhelmed at the amount of bikes and the party going on. You couldn't see it from the road but inside it was a hopping spot. I found my new friends and was setup in 10 minutes. These folks were extremely nice and inviting. It was a wild mix of characters, that most people would have been afraid to get involved with. My kind of people. The women were so sweet and offered me beers and food, the guys were awesome and we bonded immediately swapping stories and cracking jokes on one another. They all called me Tennessee and luckily I hadn't drank much because I could remember their names. Manny was a jacked fella, former law enforcement now retired. Worked the same correctional facility that Rusty Coones was locked up in. They still talk when they see each other at the bike shows. Danny is one of the funniest dudes I've ever met. Guatemalan/Mexican fella with the most positive outlook on life. If he can't make you laugh then you are seriously messed up. He made awesome movie posters. If I remember correctly the Vin Diesel movie xXx was his first one he worked on and did a stencil for Vin jumping the Husquvarna that blew Vin away. His woman was the purple haired lady Brenda. She does demolition derbies. How wicked is that? Awesome couple. Marcy was a North Carolina transplant. She could understand my accent the best. Works for Burbank Moto. I completely forgot what Allison did for a living, but a super nice gal. Eddy and Robb ran the LiquorGunsStrippersChoppers booth. I liked Eddy a lot. He told some hilarious stories about Mexico on the El Diablo Run. Eddy was pretty smashed. He was upset the next morning cause no one woke him up.....

    Saturday morning I got up relatively early and went to the closest golds gym. Walked in looking disgusting and had to get setup as an out of town guest. Then off the the showers. Took a long shower to wash the grime off of me and put on a fresh change of clothes. I walked out 40 minutes later and they asked if I enjoyed my lift. Haha yeah man I just keep my membership for the showers.... Grabbed a quick breakfast at Carl's JR. It's not Hardee's....

    This was it, finally the big show! Born Free is amazing. Whether you like these old bikes or not, it's an awesome event to go to. I highly recommend it if you are able to go. I hope to be back next year.

    Grass pass parking and campers parking. This wasn't even the actual parking lot.
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    3rd place best in show Jeff Leighton from The Wretched Hive
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    2nd place Arie Vee
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    And the 2016 Born Free 8 winner was Kiyo with his twin engine cb750. This bike sounds completely wicked.
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    Every bike was gorgeous...
    Jim's choppers/Chopper supply co
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    North Carolina boys Prism cycles
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    Matt Jackson never disappoints
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    Bonus points if you can name this engine/trans combo
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    One of my favorites. Panhead in a VL frame.
    [​IMG]
  7. KCgran

    KCgran n00b

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    Location:
    Corner of walk and don't walk
    Flat head Harley and a triumph tranny I think.
    TurnerR likes this.
  8. OldPete

    OldPete Be aware Supporter

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    Oct 6, 2007
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    Location:
    SoSoCal
    Yes, a WL engine, 1947 my birth year.
    TurnerR likes this.
  9. KCgran

    KCgran n00b

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    Oddometer:
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    Dang just noticed the speed holes in the fins on that flathead's head!!! It's the little things...
    TurnerR likes this.
  10. KCgran

    KCgran n00b

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    Who won the invited builders contest ?
    TurnerR likes this.
  11. RNMedic

    RNMedic Adventurer

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    Apr 1, 2011
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    77
    Location:
    Dayton, Ohio
    best adventure ride yet!
    TurnerR likes this.
  12. Bonesaw

    Bonesaw Adventurer

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    Mar 29, 2008
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    Location:
    Northwest Indiana
    I think the pipes on the 3rd place bike are outstanding!
    TurnerR likes this.
  13. RedDogAlberta

    RedDogAlberta High Plains Drifter

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    Edmonton, Alberta
    There should been awards for best RIDDEN Sportsters travelling to the event.
  14. Redhook

    Redhook Adventurer

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    Mar 31, 2014
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    Location:
    Athens, Tennessee
    Can't see the pics at work, dang the company I work for!!
    CCitis and TurnerR like this.
  15. KCgran

    KCgran n00b

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    Aug 5, 2015
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    DANG TurnerR for leaving us hanging! Hope he didn't get knocked in the head and left in a ditch out there.
    TurnerR likes this.
  16. Marc LaDue

    Marc LaDue Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2008
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    Location:
    Hancock Township, Plymouth County, Iowa
    Nice little narrative,

    Thanks for a modern-day version of Captain America! I just sold my Harley a month ago and don't miss it yet, but your story definitely has me thinking. Maybe I'll look into those Indian leases they keep sending me via email.
    As to the kids ignoring motorcycles; a sad commentary on the state of youth these days. I teach high school for a living and I can assure you not all kids are victims of apathy, but there certainly are some out there that make you wonder.
    Hope you get back home alright and continue to pop out enough of those m&m's to realize the rest of your dreams.

    LaDue
  17. TurnerR

    TurnerR Ride motorcycles, have fun

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Oddometer:
    399
    Location:
    Cleveland, TN
    After the show Saturday I decided to see what that Pacific Ocean was all about. It was a nice ride to Laguna Beach where I walked a bit looking for some fried shrimp. Apparently I was in a nice part of town because that was impossible to find... I settled on an Irish pub with some steak and potatoes.

    Soon after I headed back to the campground, not before picking up a 12 pack. That was fun riding the 4 miles back to camp balancing 12 bottled beers on my lap while riding. Then making it into camp, up the hill, turning into the 90* sidewalk, and down the grass without dropping or breaking a single one. Skillz.

    This was the first Camp Born Free and probably the last. The party got rowdy. No fights that I saw or heard of but Johnny Law showed up at least once... It was pure chaos. The sporty guys started the burnouts, then the FXR boys did the rolling burnouts and wheelies. Soon Manny had his Dyna doing a 5 gear burnout followed by the campground rev session. One dresser nearly blew over a couple tents near us, while fireworks start going off. The sirens are soon heard then the lights are seen above the trees. Two cop cars show up to nearly 300 drunken assholes trying to stop the noise. They came in hot, completely flying. Maybe had they came in relaxed and just asked to keep it down the situation would have been different but the way they showed up fueled the madness. Eventually they gave up and left. It was comical how as soon as they were gone, the madness died with it. We all laughed and continued drinking when all the sudden bikes started up again. This time I decided to get into the foolishness, when we realized my bike is a flame thrower. There's a pretty cool video of me shooting some foot long flames. Enough was enough and I have to ride my bike home, I cut it out. No sense burning up a motor to impress drunks.

    Sunday we awoke all feeling surprisingly great. I packed up quickly and waited on the other guys to get going where we rolled into the show together. There were some really cool Celebs there. I held brief conversations with a couple, and I have to say they are all just normal dudes who love bikes like all of us. Oliver Peck, Carey Hart (who won best FXR), Gilby Clarke, and Brad Pitt who everyone geeked out over. I also ate a 100% grass fed, organic, gluten free, hipster bullshit burger that had shredded cheese on it and wasn't worth the $17 price tag..... Gimme my gluten.

    Kiyo who won best invited builder talking about his machine with just a normal fan.

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    Soon the show was over and I had to say goodbye to my new friends. Awesome people and only a handful of us got a photo since some of the others were working the booths.

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    Now since I got to the LA area I was feeling lousy. I had offers to sleep on couches but I wanted a bed. I tried to tough it out and head up the PCH but I ended up on Hollywood Blvd getting a room. That part of the country does nothing for me. I felt like shit that night and the next day woke up feeling worse.... I decided I'd head to the mountains get out of the PCH traffic. Soon I ended up at an awesome cafe that you've probably seen on TV before.

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    It was hot as balls so the lady inside told me to head back to the coast.... Once I back tracked highway 1 became 101 for a while. Now I was actually getting somewhere and had the ocean to my side, so that was nice.

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    I was still sick though and no longer could breathe through my nose. I was now freezing cold and wanted some heat back. Crossing over again I headed east. By now I'm barely above LA and feel like hell. I march on knocking out 35-40 miles stretches before I have to stop and blow my nose and cough up mucus. My heads pounding, throat hurting, eyes watering. All I can think about is renting a van to load the bike in and just go home....
    pfalcioni, TurnerMoma, Faol and 7 others like this.
  18. kojack06

    kojack06 Long timer

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2010
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    1,267
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    TX
    Enjoyed this post!

    Reference your observation on boys not being interested in your bike:

    Hoover Dam was built by real men-our fathers, grandfathers and great grandfathers. They weren't afraid of hard work and being dirty. Look at who we've turned out school systems and country over to and how they've dumbed down and feminized our boys and young men. Your insight and observations on boys no longer having an interest in trucks, cars, motorcycles, engines, construction and sadly even being fathers is not new. There is a lot of interesting work on this subject and the damage that is being done to our well-being and our country.

    This is just a great trip report! I dug out my yellow with age copy of "I See by My Outfit" by Peter S. Beagle. Its a similar story of a cross country ride. You don't need a 25k MC. Take what you ride, get some basic gear and go!

  19. OldPete

    OldPete Be aware Supporter

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    SoSoCal
    TurnerR,
    Seems you picked up a virus in the crowd.
    I gotta bit of one for the last week but it is mild.
    Push fluids, not yourself.
    TurnerR and kdxdude like this.
  20. digcolnagos

    digcolnagos Bewildered

    Joined:
    May 18, 2016
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    160
    Location:
    Illinois
    Stop thinking about that van. If you have the time and can find the right spot--some place where there's decent food and environs--it might be a good idea to hole up in a motel for a day or two until the sickness passes. Summer flu/colds are the worst. No sense letting it spoil the trip. And quit with the Carl's Jr. and Mickey D's. That shit ain't doing you no favors. A day or two of rest coupled with fruit and simple foods like good bread (not that pre-sliced Wonder loaf crap) and cheese will do wonders. If you have to drink, consider margaritas instead of beer. The citrus is good for you.

    Love,

    Your Mother