The AngiNa Monologues: Part IV

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by vermin, Feb 17, 2014.

  1. vermin

    vermin unrepentant thinner

    Jan 20, 2007
    So where was I? Oh yeh I lost

    A) enthusiasm for my cubicle job,
    B) half my 401 k
    C) most my mind truck driving
    D) all the equity in my house

    So here I am fifty something and washed up on the shore of financial ruin. I went truck driving to get off the couch and ended up really irratating and routinely coming to blows with a 6’8” Argentinian Caballero in the cab of a Big Peterbilt.
    (the bad kind of blows not the birthday kind).


    A righteous bro/friend/mutant by the name of Fat Bastard hooked me up with a mondo cush job square up the arse of a major global auto company world design headquarters. BINGO! Sorry Corporacion Mas Grande you have been infested by Vermin.

    The gig was made entirely palatable by large bags of money and a promise that I would never never never be surrounded by the muted mauve tones of a Steelcase series 9000 people solution (no that name is not ominous, implying that people are a problem that can be solved) brand work station/ cubicle.
    Being a contract whore I could pretty much come and go as I please so after a Year I started getting a little restless. I told the most excellent boss on the planet that I had to blow the carbon out and it wouldn’t hurt to take the cack on a little spin either.


    DAY A

    I had been rolling around in the bed feeling a little guilty because my kids had essentially been dicked out of the meager funds I had accrued (ok a lot guilty) by large banks who now wanted my kids to borrow from them to get an education so they could work for them (does that seem like indentured servitude to anyone else?).

    Knowing full well SweetThang will let me do whatever I want as long as I take a runt with me. So while she was still 2/3rds asleep I mumbled something about my scheme and she did not say no (because she may not have been conscious not unlike my semi annual conjugal visit)

    Anywho I woke up and axed Drifter if he wanted to go on a little ride. The kid still more or less wanted to be a writer and all I could really give him at this point is an excellent adventure.

    So even though he generally is disgusted with the fact I am still breathing he jumps out of bed and starts scurrying about the casa de rodentia grabbing sundry items.

    Stay tuned and see what happens when 12’10” of narcoleptic skeletal meat rolls on a busted up 1990 honda Pacific coast.


  2. lakota

    lakota Geeser

    Jan 31, 2007
    Annapolis MD
    I am so in:lurk
  3. GB

    GB . Administrator Super Moderator Super Supporter

    Aug 16, 2002
    You still got that PC800? Let's see where it takes you next. Buona fortuna :lurk
  4. babar69

    babar69 Stay light as light

    Oct 31, 2013
    French drummer living in Budapest
    Im' in !:evil
  5. Throttlemeister

    Throttlemeister Long timer Super Supporter

    Sep 17, 2007
    Okie near Muskogee
    Can't beat a trusty and very crusty old Honda. Amazing life in that ole bike. Bring on the sand lol.
  6. JaxObsessed

    JaxObsessed Incredulous iconoclast 8:46. Woke SJW. Supporter

    Feb 12, 2009
    Circling Sagittarius A* in spaceship DC.
    In! :d
  7. Blader54

    Blader54 Long timer

    Jul 29, 2012
    west side of the pond
    Thought the day might never come! Der Vermin rides again! In.
  8. pitbull

    pitbull Long timer

    Aug 24, 2004

    The winter blahs have me in serious need of some comedic entertainment.
  9. flei

    flei cycletherapist

    Apr 1, 2013
    Western Mass.
  10. Frostbit

    Frostbit Is it cold in here?

    Dec 13, 2007
    Eagle River, Alaska
    It's good to hear that you didn't fall off the edge of the earth and that Cack still lives!

    Can't wait to see where this Vermon tail/tale leads... :lurk
  11. TinyTim

    TinyTim Noob

    Feb 19, 2007
    Subscribed. :lurk
  12. Marc LaDue

    Marc LaDue Been here awhile

    Jan 15, 2008
    Hancock Township, Plymouth County, Iowa
    I'm currently going through some rather tough times with ailments requiring surgery and time off, neither of which I like too much. Consequently, I'm a bit depressed. Or should I say was, until I saw your latest contribution! Nothing like a little vermin to get one up and going. Even "Hondarider" Ross, your closet protege, has risen from the "not so dead, just smelly" pile of yesterday's scribes with a new addition to his continuing "Chowder Chronicles", what more could I ask? I'm feeling better all ready!

  13. MacRunch

    MacRunch Adventurer

    Sep 10, 2008
    North Texas
    About damb time!
  14. vermin

    vermin unrepentant thinner

    Jan 20, 2007
    So I chuck a bunch of stuff in my handy dandy tool box/luggage rack and throw it on the back and


    My buddy chip had fabricated a cool heat exchanger in my exhaust out of old electrical stuff so I could cook my beans whilst driving (practical) and gave me a mean exhaust stack so I could put a tractor flapper on the top of it for the sole purpose of hearing something in this modern fast paced world that still sounded like (a neutered version of) my grandpas Farmall M.

    Being the fastidious maintainer of machinery that i am I notice that I have no tread on the rear tire but I rue the day I spend money on this bike so I cross my eyes just right and imagine tread and hope I can get one more trip out of it. If I ever win the tire lottery and have both wear out at the same time I fully intend to dispatch this bike to the one square mile pile of shit near work.



    Anyway being the adroit mechanical designer that I am I slung my barbeque rack/lawnmower handle/cheap trunk on the back it bashed into my new exhaust.

    Work it out with the Cacksaw Drifter

    I haven’t really thought about this trip much so while he sawed I perused the atlas I am sure to lose later. The notion crosses my mind that from a pure target acquisition angle I have not set foot in Rhode Island and Delaware yet. As much as I fancy that I am a smooth flowing hippy type I kinda really want to kill off those two states so I can say I hit all the states that you can without a propeller or something.

    In order to get Drifters buy in I declare it a Snooky quest and we would go view Guido's in their natural habitat.

    My Map lookin head (horizontal lines=worry and vertical=confusion/consternation)


    So I run this by Drifter (newbies check out Zen and the art of motorcycle negligence if you want to know the players without a scorecard) and he seems entirely malleable.

    I decide to not go through Canada. Not because Canada sucks but because I always get massively hassled coming back into “The Bastion of Freedom”. Random observation number one Canadian Customs has an inordinately high level of hot chick agents.

    Well played Canada. Canada took an alternate course to responding to “British Tyranny” and seem to be more well adjusted for it. We have immortalized violence and putting holes in people so it is no wonder there is a lot of violence and people with holes in them.

    Anyway I rectum that the Cackadian route is off the table so I ponder and squinch my head up like a shar pei (you know a wrinkly dog not a felt tip marker) and do some grade A rapid fire thinking. Most of my trips have a musical element to them.

    Exhibit A: along time ago I took my alpha boy to Forth Worth (from Detroit) to see Willie Nelson’s Fourth of July Family Picnic. Which was a smooth idea but unfortunately on the way back I lost my wallet and had to call home to get a Western Union Cash infusion from a deeply hateful wife while I left her prescious baby alone in a dank ass hotel in Arkansas while I shot up and and down the freeway looking for it. My kid said dad you left it in the last gas station and having no idea how far back the gas station was I was required to go backwards one full gas tank to find it.

    Pre wallet debacle at a house of worship

    Anyway I digress, I reckon this adventure needs some substance instead of just a mile humping exodus so

    I PLANNED! To stop at the rock and roll hall of Fame in the Land of the Cleavage.

    In time all the necessary hunks were sawed off and we left. Drift and I rolled down the road purdy as you please. Two full grown men well in excess of 6feet tall on a bike that was designed for commuting secretary receptionisteseses.

    Ohio always makes my sphincter clench because of a story my buddy GatorJane relayed about jail time and terse discussions with the law types there as he was just trying to pass through.

    We landed without incident in Sandusky and having either zero or an intermittent charging system (tenderized in Alaska and Baked in Chihuahua) my first order of business is to vermirig up my whole wiring ordeal at the hotel.

    Mexican alternator

    Of course Drifter was still in normal world and was relatively disgusted by the rolling anomaly that is cack. Don’t worry he loosens up later.
  15. DaFoole

    DaFoole Well Marbled... Supporter

    Jun 14, 2004
    BFE, SW Oregon/SF BayO'rhea
    The Apocalypse is nigh!!! :eek1

    Vermin and Cack have returned!!!

  16. Watercat

    Watercat . . . gravity sucks

    Jan 9, 2006
    Beervanastan, Duwamps Pacific NorWet
    Here we go . . . . .

    Another cack attack ! ! !:wink:

  17. Bendernz

    Bendernz Torrential

    Aug 26, 2009
    Auckland, New Zealand
  18. Shooby

    Shooby Long timer

    Dec 28, 2012
    San Diego
    I was lost, but now, am found.
  19. bk brkr baker

    bk brkr baker Long timer Supporter

    Jul 19, 2006
    The Bluegrass
    I hope you have some sort of nose plugs/clamps with you for there are unhealthy smells in Delaware.
    I experienced these smells on my only visit. I went east from the seat of goverment and the halls of verbal manure toward Lewes. Every few miles you will get hit with a wall of stench, the pass a brooder facility, go little further , pass the stench cloud, then into fresh smelling air. Then the senario repeats, only to be broken up by the occaisional "All you can Eat ! ,$5 fried chicken shack.
  20. vermin

    vermin unrepentant thinner

    Jan 20, 2007
    Dude, I bring my own unhealthy smells with me.