The Bike is the But

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by dogjaw, Apr 29, 2019.

  1. dogjaw

    dogjaw plays well alone Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Oddometer:
    4,050
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    between the Ozarks and the Ouachitas
    I claim the dubious honor of the first ride report that starts, not ends, with a Uhaul. If it's not the first, it's the first that I know of, and as far as I'm concerned, that's all that counts, and anyone that has an issue with that can, well, go ask Team Vegas what to do.

    I am also the master of the run-on sentence; when you're short in some areas, you tend to make up for it by stretching out others. At least that's what I tell my wife.

    So, although this was to eventually become a solo trip with my dog on the back of my CB1100, we first had to take care of some pressing business at the Warped Rally in southern California. So as such, there was a cast of characters that might need some introduction, so pay attention: there will be a quiz later.

    Thekerncountykid, aka Trevor Ware: Trevor was an unique contributor on this site until being struck down from behind by a drunk driver back in 2012. Left for dead in the middle lane of I-40, struck so hard that his CB550 was carried over a mile away, stuck in the grille of the drunk's Mercedes. He and his mother Pam now suffer mightily from the repercussions, Traumatic Brain Injury, physical issues too numerous to recount here, etc, but the old Trevor is still in there. Occasionally he'll blow everyone's hair back with a glimpse of the sheer poetry that still lurks in his noggin, hence the title of this post. More on this later.

    Shunka: an inmate from soCal that to many needs no introduction. I became aware of his hulking prescence when we became involved(check that, do NOT like the implications of being "involved" with Shunka), participated in a dog relay that originated in JoMomma. Someone left a puppy tied to my trashcan in the pouring rain, Shunk heard about it and agreed to take said bedraggled little fartbag back to the beach life in Kalifornia, so I drove 800 miles to Raton, NM, which was a one thousand mile trip for Shunk, and we made the exchange. Now Dash Riprock is now Takoda Steele, living in the lap of luxury(check that again; would never want to envision Mike's lap having anything to do with luxury). This should give you an idea is to the size of the heart on this guy; a thousand miles on less than a day's notice to pick up a puppy that he had never met; much more on this heart later... grab your hankies, ladies, it's going to get dusty in here.

    Charlie Bravo: my 65# half pittie that my son and I found stuffed into a crate and left to starve back in 2015. I was so pissed that the only place that seemed suitable to express this rage was in the Basement under the thread "insert your rant here". The denizens of the underworld, especially one Benduro, took the story and ran with it, raising the funds to save her life. We named her after the bikes that my son and I were riding when we found her, simply the best bikes of all time, the Honda CB. She now rides everywhere on the back of my CB1100 in her Charkstream, obviously, much more on this later.

    Dogjaw:me. Trevor's story has more or less dominated my life for the last five years, sometimes to the detriment of my own family, but my wife has been beyond longsuffering if sometimes puzzled by my FRAPs, frenetic random activity periods in his cause. So when a few weeks back I was canned at the ripe old age of 56 from a soul-sucking job in trucking sales and the opportunity for this trip arose, she didn't blink an eye, and a plan was hatched.

    At about the same time as my ritual humiliation at the hands of corporate AmeriKa, Trevor and Pam elected to come to Little Rock to appear at the parole hearing for Trevor's assailant. A letter writing campaign to the Arkansas Parole Board was set up in the Basement(again, the basement) by Cvan and SFCoots, and was instrumental to keeping that waste of perfectly good afterbirth behind bars.

    Trevor had some bikes in storage locally, including the mangled 1974 CB550 he was riding the night he was struck; Pam has always wanted to get them moved to Washington state, where Trevor now resides due to some special treatment facilities, but circumstances arising from Trev's issues always seemed to throw up a road block. As I was now out of work and had just built a small camper minivan, she suggested renting a uhaul trailer, pulling his bikes to Bellingham, then driving home, camping along the way.

    Good plan, except for one thing: driving home. That's a negatory, Ghostrider, the pattern is full. Why not rent a truck instead of a trailer, load my own CB amongst her siblings, then ride the 3000 miles home to Arkansas? Then Charlie caught wind of the story and would not be denied such an adventure, and we started getting things prepped to depart.

    Then that idiot Shunka called.

    Why don't I "swing through" soCal on my way to Washington and hang out at Warped for a couple of days? Ah, dude, I'm not too swift on geography, but I'm pretty sure that that's not the definition of a "swing through". Then he mentioned that he wanted to donate his BMW sidecar rig to Trevor so that other pilots could come by from time to time and take him for rides(Trevor, not Shunka), and suddenly the 1700 miles from LRK to CA, and then the 1300 miles on to Bellingham before my own trip could begin didnt seem quite that long of a detour.

    Then in one of those jaw dropping events that came to define this weekend, Pam decided instead to bring Trevor down to Warped so that he could accept the hack from Shunka personally, and even go for the maiden voyage with the Shunkster at the controls. For once, I had no words.

    Next: why you should NOT sleep in the back of a Uhaul in April in New Mexico. tapatalk_1552442098486.jpg IMG_20190428_121942_863.jpg Screenshot_20190429-104234_Instagram.jpg Screenshot_20190429-104133_Instagram.jpg
    #1
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  2. sopascat

    sopascat not much of an adventurer Supporter

    Joined:
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    I’m not crying, you’re crying
    #2
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  3. Project Mayhem

    Project Mayhem Moto Aficionado Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2015
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    Location:
    Coal Creek Canyon, CO, USA
    :beer
    Hope to see you & Charlie Bravo in CO.
    Be safe, ride well...ah f*** it...ride fast, take chances, live dangerously.
    #3
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  4. CCitis

    CCitis Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2013
    Oddometer:
    453
    Location:
    Beautiful BC
    When you get near Bellingham let me know, I have been following this story for a while now, and I am an hours ride north of the border from where Trevor is... Riding an old(er) Honda. Definitely would love to pop down and meet you fine folks when you are in the neighborhood.
    #4
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  5. sopascat

    sopascat not much of an adventurer Supporter

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    Well, that’s rather fortuitous. There was much talk at WARPED that help would be needed to unload that truck when dogjaw gets to Bellingham. Follow along.....
    #5
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  6. CCitis

    CCitis Been here awhile

    Joined:
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    Beautiful BC
    I am in, let me know
    #6
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  7. sopascat

    sopascat not much of an adventurer Supporter

    Joined:
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    I’m not in charge, but I’ll keep track too
    #7
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  8. flei

    flei cycletherapist

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    Western Mass.
    IN! Been waiting for this story to pull all the loose ends together into one great story. Check that, do NOT like the implications of loose ends.
    #8
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  9. holckster

    holckster dougholck Supporter

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    #9
  10. szurszewski

    szurszewski Long timer

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    Awesome sauce.

    @DRONE was just here telling me about this. Heard a rumor you might “swing by” his place too to pick up some bits for the hack. You’re going to be quite the swinger by the time you get where you’re going.

    I’ll keep an ear out and seee if I can tag along to say hi.

    -josh
    #10
  11. dogjaw

    dogjaw plays well alone Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Oddometer:
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    Location:
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    Just talked to drone, should hit his hacienda around 2200 tonight unless my GPS had another brain fairy and send me off into the hinterlands like it did earlier today, the evil little pendejo.

    Also spoke with Uhaul in Bellingham, they said they I could use a ramp from another truck to support the sidecar wheel when unloading, so at least that problem is no longer a problem.

    Had my first encounter with an Oregonian fuel attendant; wow. I would have loved to have used the facilities as well, but as serious as Omar was about his pumping and windshield wiping responsibilities, I shudder to imagine what state mandated services that may have been waiting for me in the men's room.

    Is it possible to get monkey butt from too many hours in a Uhaul? Asking for a friend...
    #11
  12. dogjaw

    dogjaw plays well alone Supporter

    Joined:
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    Oddometer:
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    Location:
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    And this is what the GPS and the Oregon Highway Department calls a reroute when you miss your exit; 2.7 miles of this, boys and girls. Right now I am NOT a fan.

    20190429_194409.jpg
    #12
  13. DRONE

    DRONE Dog Chauffeur

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2007
    Oddometer:
    7,982
    Location:
    Chambers Bay, WA
    To help any inmates not familiar with the backstory here, start with Trevor's first post on ADV back in 2009 -- Post #1 in his Ride Report Go West Young Man! (click)

    A truly classic RR.
    #13
  14. szurszewski

    szurszewski Long timer

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    Well I probably won't get to grace you with my presence then - got a field trip to go on tomorrow with the boy.

    That's great that uHaul is being accommodating - sometimes they're a little persnickety about hauling vehicles inside other vehicles...

    Don't be too hard on the pump jockey - it's a state law in Oregon and he and the station can be fined for letting you handle your own hose. Mostly they let bikes handle their own, and diesel also gets to self serve.



    That looks just like our old street in Portland - and we were lived practically downtown ;)
    #14
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  15. dogjaw

    dogjaw plays well alone Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
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    Location:
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    This was initially the purpose of this trip, to tie a loose knot in a story that has had so many twists and turns over the last five years that it truly boggles my mind. It was Trevor's video and writing that pushed me out of the door and towards the west at the ripe old age of fifty, and I've been rolling ever since.

    My intention is, towards the end of this trip, to revisit those places and people that made such an impact on me on the first trip, but this time with the addition of Charlie and a much longer itinerary; without a Trevor, there would never have been a Charlie, and it has been a great honor to be involved in such a pair of incredible stories. tapatalk_1552442187837.jpg
    #15
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  16. dogjaw

    dogjaw plays well alone Supporter

    Joined:
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    Oddometer:
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    Location:
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    Back on track...

    As the day of departure approached, so did my anxiety; essentially packing for two separate trips, the Uhaul section, and then the bike section from Washington back home. And so many options when it came to routes: down the Pacific coast to the Redwoods and then east? Across Washington to Idaho then south to Utah, or on into Wyoming? I felt like a kid in a candy store, except the candy dishes were all hundreds of miles apart. I finally just had to put the atlas aside and trust the words of John Steinbeck: "we don't take trips, trips take us"; besides, we had the direction in mind, but the weather would eventually have the final say as to the final daily destinations.

    So under the direct supervision of Charlie Bravo and Digby, Thumpstart and Goodcleandirt helped me load Trevor's bikes in the truck. Deedee, the battered CB550, proved especially recalcitrant, but eventually even she was securely stowed away, and we left Little Rock before dawn the next morning.

    The trip started with visiting the graves of Quanah Parker, the last Comanche war chief, and his white mother and baby sister, Cynthia Ann Parker and Prairie Flower, all interred with honor at Ft Sill, OK. Then it was time to drop the hammer on some serious mileage across Texas and New Mexico.

    In the ride to adopt Takoda, Shunka had driven 1008 miles, so I had to do at least that or just go ahead and cash in my man card. At 1016, I hit the Conrinental Divide in New Mexico, and decided to shut it down for the night.

    The plan was to sleep on a Helinox cot I had set up in the back of the Uhaul, but the temps dropping into the low twenties made the aluminum box feel like a deep freeze. I instead decided to migrate to the cab and take my chances with Charlie the Terminally Afflicted.

    Stretching across the front seat bucket seats with the considerably shorter jump seat in the middle supporting one butt cheek was doable only because I'm vertically challenged, but one key ingredient hadn't been considered in the mix:

    Charlie.

    Charles is not a small dog to begin with, and when she sleeps, she tends to engulf everything in her path like hairy black lava. After a few hours of this treatment, I decided that if I was going to be miserable, I might as well be moving. So off we went long before daylight, me shaking my head to stay awake, the Uhaul bouncing between the rumble strips like a white and red pinball. Of course, Charlie did not volunteer to drive even one solitary mile.

    We finally rolled through the Kalifornia checkpoint midday, and at our first gas stop, I encountered:

    A stunning blonde wearing a sheer black dress that would have made Nefertiti blush,

    A grey haired guy with toenails painted neon green to match his VW microbus,

    125.00 cut off at the pump that didn't even fill the tank 3/4 of the way,

    And to top it off, I would be seeing Shunka and the rest of the Warped ADV crew in just a few hours.

    Charlie, we're not in Arkansas anymore. 20190404_163626.jpg IMG_20190421_095300_348.jpg 20190422_080218.jpg IMG_20190424_050230_597.jpg IMG_20190424_050230_596.jpg IMG_20190423_181516_444.jpg IMG_20190424_232313_750.jpg
    #16
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  17. dogjaw

    dogjaw plays well alone Supporter

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    Aaaaand a teaser video before I get back on the road....

    #17
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  18. Blue Mule

    Blue Mule Persistent Slacker Supporter

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    :clap

    just catching up after the ride home from WARPED.

    IN and subscribed!

    oh, and @huzar , if you or any others can help out here?
    Pam, Trevors mom is now using his @kerncountykid handle, and @dogjaw may still be on route with the hack and a few other bikes of Trevors.
    #18
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  19. huzar

    huzar Pastor of Muppets

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    @Blue Mule I’m back from Boston on the night of the 3rd. I can help on the 5th, realistically, or sometime after that. Thought I could help on the 4th, but apparently we have plans already. I had asked @dogjaw to LMK if he needs help in the short term, and of course Pam and @kerncountykid can ping me any time and I will do what I can.
    #19
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  20. DRONE

    DRONE Dog Chauffeur

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    Can confirm that Dogjaw most probably arrived at Pam and Trevor's this afternoon. He left my place around 1pm and they are less than 3 hours from me.
    #20