...and the opposite. I was very disappointed in my performance in the nationals this year. Third in Senior 60 Western (worse if I don't ride Donner in September), and third in the Eastern. The cause, I like say, was not being all there mentally/spiritually, and battling myself at times. Also just plain bad luck - whatever that really is. I had an inkling of some deeper motive force, but it was fuzzy. Then I recently happened upon the work of clinical psychologist and philosopher Dr. Jordan Peterson on YouTube, watching some hundred hours of his work and public interface. I was intrigued by his deep thinking on a wide array of subjects, one of which regards the many components of what makes success. This guy thinks and can talk about it. So I bought his 2nd book, 12 Rules for Life - an Antidote to Chaos. His first book is far more meaty, scientifically, so I decided to start with a work more for public consumption ...which I am just getting into. In rule one, he focuses on the neuropsychologysociology of lobsters, who share serotonin neurotransmitter systems with us. Fascinating stuff. So what the heck do lobsters have to do with trials competition? Well, the facts regarding how things work in natural systems, and how I can reflect on that and work on ways to affect serotonin... how I have some modicum of control over the serotonin system through adaptability and neuroplasticity... that's why. There is this feedback loop of success and increased serotonin, with increased confidence, happiness, and success. This leads to inequality of outcome, 1%-ers, men like Bou - and a few others - come to dominate a niche. As for the rest of us, the so called 99%, we can work with this immutable biological system to affect outcomes. To quote Solomon in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinks, so is he." I suppose, as a man thinks, so he rides! I have have long and often been of two minds about many things. One regards how much I want to be competitive, and how much I want to be helpful, and how much I fight myself in the inner life. The outcome of my nationals effort in 2018 reflects precisely on this battleground, and I aim to improve on this because how I see myself and which battles I wish to fight, is how things will turn out. I gave critical feedback to the fellow who went on in two more events to wrest #2 from me. He was missing something critical regarding use of momentum, and I, the helpful one, handed it to him on a platter. No illusions about being a Bou or the handful of the top guys. But at my level, I see room for improvement, and that starts with the inner life. I don't know if much of this struggle of duality makes sense. Know where I'm going with this?