Watching your significant other crash

Discussion in 'Face Plant' started by Ride2ADV, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. WoodsChick

    WoodsChick Long timer

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    We celebrate 27 years of wedded bliss on Thursday! :raabia

    We’re still riding (and sometimes crashing) together. Can’t see that changing anytime soon!


    LuckyChick
    #41
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  2. Cogswell

    Cogswell Trying to live the new normal.

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    Interesting timing at finding this thread today. I had a friend call me this morning, he wanted me to help him deal with the trauma of having lost a friend he was riding with yesterday.

    I lost my s/o not quite two years ago on an extended ride/vacation out west in Utah. She was leading and I watched ride right off a cliff about 40 yards in front of me. From my initial angle behind her it looked like she just fell over after hitting a small rise. I said to myself i need to get up there and help her pick the bike up. As I rolled up the last couple of feet to where I last saw her I noticed there was no more earth. The opening of a great chasm was directly in front of me, I couldn't see it previously as the road was at a slight incline.

    The earth ends right where my helmet and front of the bike are, and the road goes off to the left.

    [​IMG]

    Her bike at bottom during time of retrieval a couple of weeks later.

    [​IMG]

    Being in the middle of nowhere like that and not being able to get down to help her, worried she may have passed because I couldn't help her was extremely difficult. You just feel so helpless and traumatized at watching the entire scene of events unfold right before your eyes.

    Emergency services were called by a family we had seen at a previous pull off spot for pictures. It took just about an hour for the sheriff to arrive, then another 20-30 minutes to harness up and rope down and give me the bad news.

    Have to take a break...
    #42
  3. Khantahr

    Khantahr Been here awhile

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    Oh my God that is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry.
    #43
  4. antariusjp

    antariusjp Large Title Here

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    That's terrible... I feel for you. I can't imagine....
    #44
  5. Cogswell

    Cogswell Trying to live the new normal.

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    It's been something I would have never conceived of happening let alone being a part of it. Every day is better, lots of support from family and great friends, many on ADV.

    After the reality of the situation is really taking hold, initial shock is starting to wane, important decisions have to be made. What am I going to do, how do I move forward ? What about retrieval of Annie and her gear/motorcycle. There were keys and personal effects I needed as the car and trailer were 2.5 hours away. The sheriff deputies were very helpful, they have to deal with these situations as part of their jobs. I gave them a list of things I needed and they brought them up on a rope for me.

    They asked if I was ok to ride the hour back into town, I really didn't have a choice to leave everything out there. They found me a room in town and let me put all the camping gear off my bike into their truck. They brought Annie's gear up after I left and we arranged for me to pick everything up the next day at headquarters after I had gone back to get the car and trailer. The last bit of business we discussed was notification of family, I told them I would take care of it when I got to the motel. Really difficult phone call to make.

    The deputies called me that evening as planned so I could go to the morgue after they brought her back, one last visit to say good bye, and what's in my heart.

    There is a process to dealing with trauma like this and it's not the same for everyone. Talking to people seemed to help process things the most for me. People that have loss like that can identify and relate their experience with you, it gives you a better understanding of how to process things. Don't bottle everything up or try to suppress the loss, it happened, it's a part of your life, find a place for it, and don't be afraid to visit that place from time to time.

    We all ride knowing this is a dangerous hobby, it's ever present in the back of our minds. Sometimes we get complacent and then have a little close call from lack of attention or whatever and it brings the danger into the forefront again. The great times far outweigh the bad, but it's hard to think about it at time like that.
    #45
  6. WYGSer

    WYGSer Ummm...

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    That is my worst fear. I can't even imagine.
    #46
  7. ukAdventurer

    ukAdventurer Been here awhile

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    My condolences. That’s unimaginable to me.
    #47
  8. Dtx915

    Dtx915 Been here awhile

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    we had ridden and raced together for decades so I guess that answers the question on how I knew to stop and film LOL

    #48
  9. Lost Mile

    Lost Mile Adventurer

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    Worst experience I have had riding was not seeing my wife in the mirror rounding corners behind me and riding back worried sick to find her down due to a low side, I am sure my track time falls and breaks or broken ribs from trail riding are no better for her but it was rough...
    #49
  10. Ride2ADV

    Ride2ADV World Shrinkers Super Supporter

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    Cogswell, I just don't know what to say. I can't imagine how horrifying and sad this is for you. What happened to you is a nightmare that none of us want to live. Yet, you have found the strength to tell us about it and give us all some perspective.

    I wish continued strength and peace going forward. If there's anything I can do, please let me know.

    Mike
    #50
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  11. Cogswell

    Cogswell Trying to live the new normal.

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    Thanks Mike !

    I have found that talking about the event really helped me come to terms with it and accept it. It is something that is now a part of my history and I have to live with that. If you bottle something like this up inside you, you are just asking for trouble down the road. It's always going to be there, so try to make yourself comfortable with it, and not afraid of it.
    #51
  12. Sal Pairadice

    Sal Pairadice Captain Obvious

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    Jeezus Cogswell. I am so sorry. Damn, man. Nothing you could have done. Nothing. I feel so sorry for you. We all take that risk, and your story is a sobering reminder that it is a real risk, not an imagined one. That you can share this with us, is very brave and I appreciate that. My sincere sympathy man.

    I will tell you this in the hope it helps a small amount; I crashed and lost consciousness while riding alone in September 2018. When I " woke up " I remembered nothing of the crash. I still have no memory of any pain or trauma. In fact, I simply woke up and wondered what I was doing out there. Then someone called 911 and I went to the hospital. Broken ribs, clavicle, ruptured disks, concussion. Major bruises, punctured lung. I remember about a minute before the crash, then nothing. But if I hadn't woken up, it would have been nothing to me. I wouldn't have known anything, or felt anything. I imagine that is what its like for riders that don't wake up. Its easy and painless. And they were doing what they loved. As I waited for the ambulance that day, I told the lady who called that I would ride even if I knew I would die doing it. That may have been shock and bravado. But if I hadn't woken up I wouldn't know anything had happened.

    helmetsmall.jpg
    #52
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  13. twowheeledgator

    twowheeledgator Dork

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    I have been riding for 20 years. My wife as a passenger for some of that riding. Driving home from family the day after thanksgiving my wife says she wants to take the MSF class. I was on cloud 9, so excited.
    But now her crashing is a fear of mine. So much going through my mind about it.
    Thanks for sharing your very personal experiences.
    #53
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  14. Sal Pairadice

    Sal Pairadice Captain Obvious

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    Cogswell if you come back and read this, know that I reread your posts again today and I thought about you. The holidays must have been hard for you. How are you coping man? Its seems trivial but since you are here on a mc forum, have you ridden at all? Best wishes, its a new year, new hopes and new horizons await all of us. The sun will be out too.
    #54
  15. XCLR8TN

    XCLR8TN n00b

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    Man. Cogswell, that was the most heartbreaking thing I have read. I have tears in my eyes. I am so sorry.

    I found this thread while lurking and figured I would add my story, even though I was the one who crashed while riding with my boyfriend.

    Day before labor day 2018, we went for a short ride before heading to a friend's house for a get together. Had a mesh Revit jacket on, helmet, cheap leather Fox gloves, Alpinestars short street boots... and jeans. Normal jeans. It was a short ride, on a road 10 min from the house, that we have been on literally hundreds of times.

    I came over a double hill (that I never had noticed there was a small crest before the bigger crest), in 4th gear, moving pretty good and the bike looped over.

    All I remember was being within 4 bike lengths of my boyfriend, and then my bike was straight up and down and I came off the back, and remembered rolling for what seemed like FOREVER. In a plank position no less, arms in a 90 degree angle in front of me. At first I kept my head up but near the end it was too much and I recall hitting the front of my helmet on the ground with each revolution.

    After I stopped, I was perpendicular to the road, on the double yellow and in my mind I thought "I need to get up off the road, I'm over a hill ready to get hit". So I tried to stand. And that's when I realized my foot was facing the wrong direction. So I sat down and rolled off to the side of the road. Someone came by in a truck and asked if I was ok and for the first time in my life I said "no". At that point, my boyfriend was just reaching me, as he had heard it all go down because we had communicators. He heard me scream and say I was wrecking. I don't recall that.

    When all was said and done, I laid on the side of the road for probably 15min waiting for the ambulance and started accumulating people and cars stopping to help, offering water and an umbrella for shade, a tarp to lay on (since my @$$ was hanging out, my jeans were shredded).

    Ended up with a couple broken bones in my lower right leg and some serious road rash on my butt (terrible), moderate road rash on my arm/stomach(jacket rode up), knee/leg.

    To this day if my boyfriend floats the front end over a hill, I get queasy. If I do it, I'm pretty much ok with it (just a little, couple inches). But hills in general I am now wary of, lol.

    But he said he will never forget hearing everything over the communicator when I wrecked.

    It certainly made me rethink the almost 60k I put on that bike mostly by myself, in remote areas!!

    IMG_4757_photo.JPG IMG_4741_photo.JPG IMG_4772_photo.JPG IMG_4892_photo.JPG IMG_5215_photo.JPG
    #55
  16. Cogswell

    Cogswell Trying to live the new normal.

    Joined:
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    Still here and still riding, probably have 8-10K miles in last year. Did a 4700 mile trip to Wyoming and back that was a big hurdle to face, it was mostly paved as the touring mount is an HD now. Sold the Triumph I was riding during that trip, too many memories attached.

    Thanks, every day is a bit better, it's ok to visit the past but don't get lost there !
    #56
  17. Cogswell

    Cogswell Trying to live the new normal.

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    Ouch, that looks painful. I hope you're healing well and get the bike back together !
    #57
  18. XCLR8TN

    XCLR8TN n00b

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    6 weeks after the accident I had bought another bike, exactly the same (the one in the accident got totaled). A week later I shoved my foot into a boot and I was riding :)
    #58
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