We survived 10 inches of Oklahoma! - Brought to you by the Yankee Pigs

Le Introduction

Here weee gooo!

Hello!

Welcome to our story, more of a fairy tale as it where… We are honored this great forum of the interwebz allows us the ability to tell the tale of surviving 10 inches of Oklahoma. That's right, all 10 inches GUY!! (Or is it Ghee??) What you'll read next consists of pure epic-ness, so sit down and grab a beer, or 6 and let's dig in!


Backstory
A little bit about us, so you know what to expect (Or regrettably decide to exit this browser) A previous accomplishment of terrorizing the state of Kentucky without getting arrested:

Yankee Pigs

• https://advrider.com/f/threads/kat-2019-yankee-pigs-southern-poverty-tour-round-2.1411309/

This story goes like this…

One foggy Tuesday evening at a private club, amongst several Yankee degenerates a conversation began.

This chat, along with your friend and mine - Rick "10 inches" JonEs consisted of a scheme for a spring ride. He talked for a long while, I listened some...



Some things of note: Buffalo's, Ghost Towns, Some old retired racer by the nickname
"Air-Time", Wide open spaces, 6th gear pinned, Railroad robbery sites, etc…

Plenty of good places to trespass and explore.

Where you ask? Fucking Oklahoma! That's right.

That said, several of the Yankee pigs raised their hands quicker than Fred's nipples get erect (More on that later, wish I was joking) We phoned our cousin (another delinquent Yank) in Jersey and he was on-board immediately. I couldn’t wait to be in the middle of butt fuck Oklahoma with all these bastards doing hookers n blow! Expectations were high!

The Crew



The Yankee Pigs (Boka, Bruce, Bob, Paul, Zip) minus Gino - Apparently he had better things to do like stare at Covid-19 victims in the land where elderly go to pass away or exchange STD's feverishly (Villages a la Florida). Add Rick "10 inches" JonEs (The most distinguished and respected of the bunch) and Freddie.

We shall refer to Freddie as "Kak Kak Ka Pow!" Henceforth in this here Ride Report. Freddie is like Uncle Eddie, demented enough to hit on your 16 year old sister and you at the same time, right before saying grace at Thanksgiving dinner…

Kidding - Freddie's alright, as you'll come to learn. Just don't look directly into his eyes, you may find yourself touched in more ways than one…



This was Rick "10 inches' JonEs show, being his home-land he would be our director, shepherd and general Angel on our shoulders. God bless you Rick for putting up with us degenerates all those days and doing so with a smile!

Alright, If you're still here let's get on with the show!

D Day - The Drive Down

I leave at the ass crack of dawn to meet up with Zip and Bruce for the 15 hour drive down (B Team). The rest of the crew (A Team) leaving in parallel about an hour away.


Bruce isn't in this picture as he's in the 3rd row making his first cocktail of the drive, don't judge it's 5 o'clock somewhere (Photo timestamp - 4:58 AM)



Several gas stops are required during the 1000 mile trek from Michigan to Oklahoma. We do our best to document our stops.





At this point in time we let the A team know we've finally left, running about 3 hours late. They don't seem to care as they are pre-occupied with the freak-show.


Not sure how this managed to find it's way in here but there was some discussion of this…


What is this I don't even…


Chicken made to match the label on the bag


I Kum & you Go!


Fudge anyone?!

Isn't Fred supposed to be like a block away from kids?!?!


A bit more from the road less travelled




We arrive around 7PM local time, assess the B&E situation while we wait for the A team to arrive an hour later.




We managed concoct a scheme without Rick catching wind of it. The crew planned to honor Rick "10 inches" JonEs on this ride by paying homage to his charm. As such, it was time for the prestige…


Tada! That's right, we all rocked ball-caps and mustache's with slightly over-sized tea-shades (Thanks Fred…) in honor or Rick.


Bruce even managed to whip one out! (Not that one you dirty in-mates)


This created problems, for anyone in the vicinity of Freddie…


Check out the garage, look a Peloton.



I was later corrected unequivocally, it’s a fucking Penton!

We hit the town for a night out, after all most are well lubricated and we deserve a bit of fun after the dry ride down.

The Hideaway for dinner, thankfully they sat us far away families with children. Bob doing what Bob does best…




George's Stables bar post dinner


This gentlemen in the corner later became Freddie's BFF, by the time we left they were practically… um never-mind let's keep this moto-centric. A few tales of the past and we call it a night, tomorrow is our first day out on the Steeds and we are all anxiously awaiting exploring Oklahoma!

Day 1 - 77 miles

We arise a tad foggy on a Friday morning and slam some laxatives before heading out. The day would be a short one mileage wise but plenty entertaining and a highlight of the trip. The production staff align all our steeds awaiting their jockey's in anticipation



A mere few miles away from Rick's place we arrive at "Air-time's" private compound. Now if you're like me (Young apparently) you had no idea what you were in for, but most of you reading this report are slapping me silly with eternal condemnation.


Turns out Rick and Guy Cooper are good ol pal's and go way back having a history of riding together. Guy, as you would imagine is one of us (minus all the tomfoolery) loves everything and anything motor-bike or bicycle related. He was kind enough to spend hours out of his day showing us around his private collection

A few pics from the tour, which consisted of several large buildings:













After the tour and small talk Guy was nice enough to show us around Cooper land and lead us on a rip. Mind you he is on a NC700X with clapped out knobbies.

Hilarity ensues as we goon around his private track. Guy having been Freddie's hero growing up, Freddie can't resist an opportunity to show Guy a wheel or two attempting every enduro pass he can. We are all on proper enduro's, trying to keep up with a NC700X on clapped out rubber that turns out to be running a flat front tire and throwing it's chain once or twice. Freddie manages to pass guy once or twice, at which point we feel the need to remind him he’s on a 525 MX bike and Guy is practically riding a Horse drawn carriage through the woods





Freddie gets put in his place more often than not being boxed out of corners and run wide on purpose (hehe).




We thank Guy for his time, kindness and for all the laughs as we depart to grab some lunch before we dive into some single track. Mexico Joe's is what's on deck!


When in Rome, we begin with the wheel of shots! Kidding, that'll be 8 large beers and 4 XL margaritas please!

Bruce orders a white log


Freddie...


Ride the 80, right across from the Stillwater 500. This consists of some great single track, ground had a bit of moisture which made things interesting…


The Beta takes a nap


Flat track some corners

Stop in to observe a Ghost Town






Ball-sack full send! Need I say more?







Puppy!


Dusty ride home


This picture was in Rick's foyer, I'm not sure of it's significance, make of it what you will but I felt it necessary to share with the rest of the world.

Hell ya.

IN!

You sure can tell a story mister BokaRoka.
I’d love to hear more, so let’s hope you’ll survive all of those hilarious adventures of yours hahaaa !
The pictures combined with your discriptions sure do create a feeling “being there” ... veeeery nice.

Behold - the AntiChrist!


This little red headed step child was coaxed into executing a reprehensible act on yours truly (Boka) derived by our forefathers in 1864.

The god damn Wet Willy! The Judas was paid a hefty $2 for this act by one of our fellow degenerates. Laugh now as this would not be our last run in with the AntiChrist…

Mr. Giggles blessed us with his presence tonight, Eskimo Joe's was the poison of choice this evening.




Of course before leaving we wanted to leave a memorable legacy


After dinner we head back to Guy's to bestow upon his clan some Northern hospitality. Freddie takes the lead by introducing them to one of our most beloved and treasured beverages - Boones farm.



We get to see the behind the scene's bits of Guy's collection, even vapor blasted some parts for us! Tales and stories of the past are exchanged before the night adjourns.




We retire back to Rick's abode, several intriguing stories of his lineage are explained and discussed. I recall being in awe at his family's history, but couldn’t tell you the first thing about all the details I heard. Something about him being a descendent of folks on a big boat sailing across the ocean blue in 1942 by a Spaniard or something…


Here Rick points at a picture


A hell of a first day indeed!

Day 2 - 262 miles

There's nothing like waking up in the morning, full of fog and locating your under-garments and brain before embarking on a nut-buster of a day to the Tall grass prairie reserve.

We embark from Stillwater headed towards Pawnee


Stop at an asylum (I think?) to check on some relatives


Then Cleveland and up towards Pawhuska for lunch, but first some Indian Silhouette's in Hominy!




An abandoned hotel, and Bruce get's chased by dogs


Bob takes the dry route


Lunch stop to meet up with Rick's old paisano's from back in the day, Roger and Gary. If you can imagine Freddie in 10-15 years, that’s Gary (Gary - I'm sorry if you're reading this, but Freddie may be your illegitimate son). A dirty ol' bastard who is a mix of Ron Jeremy and Uncle Eddie. This forum isn't rated for the types of stories that were told, so you'll just have to believe me when I say Rated-M. Lots of old girlfriend stories about Jill, Hangela, Rick, etc.…"


WAP WAP WAP


We follow Roger and Gary back to his 1,200 acre ranch and stop to see some of his houses (Seriously? This is a thing to have several homes on the same piece of property?!)



Nuts to butts… We thought they were joking about riding 2 up!


Moments later...

Roger is nice enough to lead us through the prairie, I had no idea what to expect. I expected to be able to ride up close to the Buffalo, maybe shoo them out of the way and cause a stampede after which someone would be making a phone call to very unexpecting relative and a story being told of broken legs by way of buffalo stampede. Unfortunately signs every 1/4 in the prairie reminded us to remain upstanding citizens and to leave the buffalo alone. Oh well…





The ride through the prairie was a smash-fest, never have I rung the 350 out so much between 60 - 85 mph. I'm sure there is a speed limit closer to 35 posted somewhere but we were just having too much damn fun doing WOT lol through there to care.






We stop at a building to admire some history (Nature Conservancy)





Zip is most interested in the history lesson




After leaving the prairie we had back South the way we came, stopping in Elgin to make a withdrawal.




Bruce cleans his windshield, because that's what you do when you have a windshield…


The rest of the ride home was a highway smash-fest, I don't recall where we went to dinner.





Maybe it was Mexican again, not sure… Actually it was Italian! Fucking scrumptious, and packed with ass. Would hit again!



Doctors orders made for a quick evening, there was a story told.. Don't recall the details but managed to recollect the statement "2 finger chicken pecker" out of some drunken texts




I'm sleeping with YOU tonight!



Bob reads us a bed time story, something on the back of a throw pillow about "Hell in Texas"

Ride report looking good. Hate to have missed the ride part, but the pecker-pullin' at Bad Brad's and the ranch were a great afternoon out. Well, except for the short two-up with Roger. I think I caused considerable anxiety when I asked him as we were leaving if he wanted to know if I got a stiffy. And you know, Rick and I weren't always fat-fuks. See what thirty years does when you like beer and Mexican food! Rick and I photo from the 10" Oklahoma deal 2021 and a similar photo from Daytona 1991.

Day 3 - 170 miles

Day 3! Wooooooo! Wake up with a proper hang-over and as sore as if we would have rode one of those buffalo's broke back. It's 6 miles from Rick's to Guy's place, which is where we decide to stage pre-ride. Didn't quite make it that far :)


We decide to hit up a dual-sport ride route that Guy runs on a yearly basis. Trouble is, the route as it were is on a roll chart.

What the fuck is a roll chart you ask? This is what came to mind:


We borrow some lumber as a shim, you know because we are a sophisticated bunch



Bruce' 450 is smoking a tad more than he would like, so he decides to retire it for the day and utilize the bonus bike Fred and Bob brought. KTM 525 with somewhat straight rims, honestly you could bounce a quarter off the dings in the rear rim.

So we embark on this ride, half the road turns names are not labelled, makes for some fun back-tracking and on the fly math when my odometer gets all out of wack.


Nevertheless we make our way through Ghost Hollow, then down through Davenport and Chandler. Stop in one of the abandoned towns at my cousins to visit our old shop




We stumble upon some transportation behind the general store, here is Paul's attempt at setting up a shot


Out of the blue - WTF! Our infamous Furry Friend makes an appearance!



And the motley crew

Garry this is excellent! Thanks for chiming in and providing that sexy photo of you two! Also sorry for mis-spelling your name as Robert or Francis or whatever it was originally. But really?? GarRy with 2 R's???

Was a pleasure meeting you and Roger and spending an afternoon together

Jeez! My old stomping grounds! You guys are having a ball. Ride on!

When in Rome, some Tom foolery in the town square before departing and heading to our next departure

(Video)


Stop for lunch because we are famished on the way to Seaba station. Tammy's RoundUp Cafe & Route 66 Pub seems an appropriate pit stop.






Enter Carol, our hostess with the mostest! Boy was she a gem, let me tell you! She would not hesitate to put you over her lap (Ask me how I know ) , we were all due for a whippin


The food was delicious, I had the cat-fish. Rick "10 inches" JonEs had the Country Fried Steak, and the good shit too. He proceeded to tell us all about it for about 15 minutes



More childish shenanigans, keep in mind we are all 30 - 63ish???


Carol being so friendly (Lady of the night anyone? - Kidding she's a sweetheart, and yes they were still surprisingly plump) she decided to take me up on my offer for a ride.



You think I'm kidding? After 4 beers there was only one way this was going to go down, she was adamant about keeping her pants clean



Took Carol out for a romantic ride on Route 66, parading around honking our horns there was a heavenly aura surrounding us. The crowd loved it, Carol loved it, I loved it.

(Video)


(Video)


Now, let's move on to check out some moto's the same age as Carol (Pre-war)

(Video)

Seaba station a short drive away (At 85+mph ??? Also that's Fred's front tire in the frame, the 350 almost out-matched the 525) was a cool stop.


An old filling station now restored and converted into a motorcycle museum. Rick of course was friends with the owner, and did a wonderful job showing us around. Several cool old bikes, brand new and unrestored, old vintage raced bikes, film bikes, memorabilia, etc… If you're ever in the area it's a must pit-stop











After finishing up the tour we head back the way we came, this time with GPS breadcrumbs I didn’t need to rely on the roll chart that kept continuously rolling back whilst riding. We stopped at this water-fall and bridge to get some cool drone shots





After getting some b-roll shots at the waterfall and bridge we decide to press on. Freddie's top end begins sounding like pots and pans being thrown through a China shop. Concerns arise and him and Rick "10 inches" JonEs decide to b-line it back to the home-base while the rest of us degenerates sticks to the route back.



Gluttons for punishment, we head up what someone referred to as a "finger bangin'" trail right past the waterfall. Truly a hiking trail, for horny 13 year old's, we manage to find some proper obstacles that bring us a challenge. Cursing under our breaths but enjoying the challenge nonetheless. After a few attempts at trying different lines and trails we ultimately head back down and resume our ride

Back at home-base the Anti-Christ returns! This time I manage to make a deal with the devil himself and offer him a few bucks to go and kick that ol' guy in the shin. Turns out he would have done it for free as he asked after the fact if he could kick him again



(Videos)



Mexican was on deck for dinner, a solid choice once again. No real recollection of this night, I think it was an early one. This is the last picture I had taken, the rest of the night is a blur

Y'all enjoying our wind?

That dual sport ride Guy puts on every year is a blast - lots of goddamn texans come up, but it's okay for a weekend though. Last year was cold and dusty!
Looks like y'all are having a good time on our infinite miles of shitty 3rd world roads. You'll prob'ly need fork seals when you get back home.
Peace -