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When your spouse decides to try it...

Discussion in 'The Perfect Line and Other Riding Myths' started by BetterLateThanNever, Aug 7, 2018.

  1. BetterLateThanNever

    BetterLateThanNever Long timer

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    Ontario, Canada
    With no encouragement from me (I am, to be honest, ambivalent about it), my bride has decided to give riding a go and see what all the fuss is about. She's finished the new rider course, picked out a cute little cafe-ed TU250X, and I've got her the gear I think she needs. She's patient and has no agenda, and intends to start out as I did, pottering around the village near our farm to get the hang of things before venturing on to faster roads.

    So, from here on out, how do I be a good husband/riding mentor? Love to hear from you folks who have been there.
    #1
    lnewqban and 9Realms like this.
  2. olegbabich

    olegbabich Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2013
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    278
    I tried many times, Mrs. Oleg says no every time.

    She is happy to ask me about my adventures in the woods and on the road and loves to be a passenger when we ride 2up.
    #2
  3. Tall Man

    Tall Man Priest, Temple of Syrinx

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    Let her guide herself. Give gentle advice, and only when needed. It seems her journey of self-discovery is already off to a good start.

    Riding a motorcycle, competently or even at all, is something that we have to want for ourselves.
    #3
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  4. canoeguy

    canoeguy Long timer

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    SW Virginia
    Here is how it works in my relationship with my wife being a rider.

    1. Just because she rides and enjoys it does not mean she cares about every nuance of motorcycles, motorcycle history, or every odd bike I see on the road.

    2. She is a fair weather rider only. I do not criticize her choice to be so.

    3. She likes odd bikes. Which I do too so that's ok. Old Triumphs, the Himalayan, and hacks. This is how you end up with a Ural in the garage.

    4. The aforementioned Ural is her bike. I will only touch it to do the required maintenance. Bitching about said Ural's issues is only tolerated to a point.

    5. I do not try to push her into every motorcycle event I attend.

    6. I do not expect her to understand the virtues of the bikes I like. Her tastes often run to fashion over form. But who cares as all bikes are fun.

    7. I give thanks daily that my wife rides and as such not only tolerates my addiction but also understands it.


    ETA: Bonus point 8. She rides bikes. She doesn't care about fixing them, maintaining them, or how they work. That is my job. But she has boobs so I am fine with the trade off.
    #4
  5. AwDang

    AwDang Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2014
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    739
    Location:
    121 miles from Tellico Plains
    minor change. :)
    #5
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  6. 9Realms

    9Realms Drawn in by the complex plot

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    Congrats. I would get her the finest protective wear money can buy, plus decent gloves, etc.

    Exciting and scary at the same time, both of you ride safe.
    #6
    Rockred likes this.
  7. CSI

    CSI Long timer

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    My wife has been riding a Can Am for three years..........she loves the twisty roads, but it takes alot out you, to muscle one of those things at anything resembling a sporty pace.

    While in Tennessee, she decided to leave it parked and ride with me one day. Since then, she has been talking about wanting to try two wheels......last nite, she even brought up taking something like the Rider's Edge course, just so she can go out and learn on somebody ELSE's bike.

    I don't care if she buys a two wheeler or not....if she has fun at it, why not? She is eyeballing the Ninja 400.
    #7
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  8. BetterLateThanNever

    BetterLateThanNever Long timer

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    Received wisdom.
    #8
  9. BetterLateThanNever

    BetterLateThanNever Long timer

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    Thanks :)
    #9
  10. VX Rider

    VX Rider Long timer

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    After summer is over here in Arizona my wife will be taking the MSF course.
    #10
  11. El Gallo

    El Gallo Why do my neighbors hate me?

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    Location:
    Des Moines: French for "The Moines," Iowa
    Why this didn't come first is beyond me. :dirtdog
    #11
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  12. Tall Man

    Tall Man Priest, Temple of Syrinx

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    The steering isn't power assisted? I'd have thought that such a feature would be de rigueur on a machine as large and as heavy as a Can Am. Electric steering assist is something that many ATVs have had available for years now.
    #12
  13. CSI

    CSI Long timer

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    It is, but it still takes quite a bit more muscle than just pushing on the inside bar and leaning as you do on a 2 wheeler.
    #13
  14. Bucho

    Bucho DAMNrider

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2006
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    Location:
    Maryland
    If she went out and took a course, got a bike, and has started learning to ride ALL WITHOUT your help then you are doing very well!

    Try to encourage her to wear decent gear and have fun with her.

    My wife rode a little with me before our son. I highly enjoyed my wife's riding. I would love her to get back on bikes now that our son is a little older and ride with me again. But I want it to be her decision and not something I'm making her do.
    #14
  15. Kevm

    Kevm Eternal Optimist

    Joined:
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    Medford, NJ
    I've seen this play out so many times. Bottom line, you need to be hands off, completely, unless she WANTS you to not be. Notice I didn't say "says" but "WANTS" and you have to know the difference.

    Jenn tapped me on the shoulder more than a decade and a half ago. We were riding 2-up on my old Guzzi Jackal, on the way back from a karate tournament weekend.

    I leaned over, she shouted "I want my own."

    She got her permit, she registered for the MSF, she got her license. I showed her bikes, we bought something. She needed time and space and no pressure.

    She's pretty type A, very athletic, likes a challenge, etc. She also has always had some knowledge and interest in cars and bikes. But there were early times when I knew I had to be cautious, supportive, not push etc.

    She also willingly helps with maintenance, but I can tell would never touch it if I didn't think a certain amount of knowledge was necessary for a rider.

    Once kids entered the picture she rode/rides less. It was already almost never without me, but now that's harder. And we haven't taken a week long bike trip in a while. But we sneak out for lunch rides, largely when the kids are in school or camp. We did a track day together a few years ago etc.

    Actually we dropped the kids off at camp today and snuck in 100 miles and breakfast before it got too hot out.

    Bottom line, just don't push.

    PS, she's been through 4 bikes. Logic isn't as important as feelings. Once she got her Duc, she never touched one of the Harleys again and I don't think she's even looked at another BMW since.

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    #15
  16. ozmoses

    ozmoses .

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    OP-

    what would you do if one of your male buddies started to ride?

    Girls/women ride bikes- they do not need their boyfriend/husband to encourage/coach/mentor/babysit them; jusayin'
    #16
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  17. Kevm

    Kevm Eternal Optimist

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    Though I get your point, it's more complicated than that.

    * One has a different relationship with their wife/girlfriend than one has with a buddy.

    * Like it or not men and women are still largely different creatures. Yes there's a spectrum and overlap, but in a lot of ways we still approach many things differently, with different needs and expectations.

    So back to your original point, the answer is it would depend on the male buddy. He might need/want encouragement, support, coaching, mentoring, even babysitting. It just wouldn't be as big a potential minefield because you're not sleeping with him. Or maybe you are, I don't judge...
    #17
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  18. ddavidv

    ddavidv So money, but doesn't know it.

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    STFU about it at home and be happy for what you have even if it is short lived. My wife won't even sit on my bike in the garage.
    #18
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  19. ozmoses

    ozmoses .

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    Meh-

    I'm simply saying that if a girl/woman/female/gender descriptor of choice actually wants to ride (or do anything) of her own accord, no white knight/mentor is required.

    It's a role men seem to feel the need to bring to the table- the protector/the teacher.
    I do it myself,sometimes.
    Social mores,etc.

    Now, if a woman needs a protector/teacher/mentor to move forward with her interests, something else is going on.

    When I work,or ride,or ski,or fish with a woman we are simply two people doing the same activity together- and,actually, I've been shown a thing or two a time or two.
    People are people.

    YMMV,of course.
    #19
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  20. BkerChuck

    BkerChuck Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2012
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    344
    Invest in com units so you can talk while you are riding. Alternate leading and letting her observe your lines in turns with following so you can observe hers. Make suggestions when you see areas for improvement. Slow your pace some to allow her to feel comfortable but at the same time don't baby her to a point where she feels skittish in corners.
    #20