Who else lives with the Black Dog?

Discussion in 'Australia' started by FatBoyCrash, Jun 24, 2009.

  1. hunter_greyghost

    hunter_greyghost XS650 Allroads Traveller

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    G'day Gravelroadster, you're pretty much on the money - being positive is a hard task for some but it's one way of kicking the shit outta that Black Dog !
    this was an open section which when finished will give the option for the next owner to decide what to do with, ie. Parents' retreat with ensuite / granny flat / consulting room, etc.
    Area is 10m x 4m - so anything is feasable - even a garage for those with 'Special' delicate type bikes [sliding glass doors either end], be a great poolroom too !
    As for the joints - feet were rebuilt 55yrs ago because of being born with 'Club' feet, they are a constant pain but that's the joys of life - as a GP once said 'your warranty has run out' !
    Cheers
    Baza
  2. Gravelroadster

    Gravelroadster Adventurer

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    Maybe that is the positive for today.....I kicked the shit outa the black dog! :y0!
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  3. Canary

    Canary Long timer

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    Hope that you are going okay! :-)
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  4. Canary

    Canary Long timer

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    Yeah, as long as its not a real dog. :D
  5. Hay Ewe

    Hay Ewe Just a Wannabe

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    Thank you
    I am learning and understanding, but doesnt always make it easier. That makes it OK, but still a struggle at times.
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  6. Kiwirich

    Kiwirich Super Moderator Super Moderator Supporter

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    I think you're exactly right @Hay Ewe
    Understanding the triggers is 99 % of the battle.
    Avoiding the triggers is another thing completely
    Keep up the fight, we're with you

    Kiwirich
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  7. Hay Ewe

    Hay Ewe Just a Wannabe

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    Thank you

    Einstein supposedly said to take 58 minute understanding the problem and 2 minutes to solve it.
    Feels a bit like what I am doing at the moment, but then some other 'parameter' comes along and adds a bit of cunfusion.
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  8. Gravelroadster

    Gravelroadster Adventurer

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    Hang in there hay ewe. It sounds contrite and patronising but unfortunately i cant find a better way of saying "it does get better". You are definitely on the right track. Understanding your triggers and more importantly your antidote does lead out of the dark hole.
    Sharing your thoughts in safe places like this can be very beneficial too. Dont be afraid to have a spray if you need to. A friend of mine who was in a bad way used his facebook page to write huge essays on how he felt...it made him feel better and they werent meant for others but the trolls got into him. Use a safe place like here, BeyondBlue etc.
    I find i go in cycles, good one week, struggle the next but when you understand your dog it gets easier to hold him down.
    Would you like to share some of your positive thoughts you have listed? (If you think it could help). I had a long (13hr) day yesterday but my positive was finally getting home to my understanding wife and having a couple of wines (i only drink on weekends to stop "self medication").
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  9. hunter_greyghost

    hunter_greyghost XS650 Allroads Traveller

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    Stress, Arthritis and age are my 'dogs',
    Stress from being 'managed' out of a job I loved because I defended workers' rights [but not supported by the unions when needed] and standing up for clients' choices [ High Support Disabilities], now trying to finish this home and sell to move somewhere a bit warmer and more suitable to retirement type activities, veggys and fruit trees, [& building bikes !]
    Arthritis - from feet reconstruction when 8yrs old, + manual labour for a lot of my life
    Age [62] - usually causes wisedom they say - 'they' lied, still doing dumb things [or trying too !], and thinking I'm still in my 20's/30's !
    Anyway, this is definately a safe place to talk and that's what it is for, to open up to people that understand and won't condemn you for your issues, oh - and obviously we all ride them motorized monsters !
    Stay safe
    Cheers
    Baza
  10. Hay Ewe

    Hay Ewe Just a Wannabe

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    As always, thank you for this safe space and comments.
    At work this morning trying to get a bit ahead to help and look after future Hay Ewe. I even took work home to do on the weekend, despite my feeling about it, doing it to help future me.

    (It took me a while to understand what peole meant when they said that is 'Future Hay Ewe problem. I get it now. Ask for an explanation if you like)
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  11. Canary

    Canary Long timer

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    Please explain! :dunno
  12. Hay Ewe

    Hay Ewe Just a Wannabe

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    Ok, here is my attempt at explaining.

    I got back to work after 2.5 weeks of leave and a pile of work. That has never happened before because I worked in a department and we shared the load or there was 7day a week coverage. Not this place. As well as needing to process that work, the incoming work (that I process) never stops and the outgoing work (that I produce - is needed as well)
    Anyway, yesterday (saturday) I went to work for a few hours to try to get on top of some work and get ahead, knowing that there wont be any let up this week coming.

    I took time from MY weekend to go work so that it may be less stressful in the week coming.
    Taking / using some of my free time to be proactive. The alternate would be to say stuff it, have my weekend and deal with it during normal work hours.
    For me, there are two problems with that.
    1) it will be hanging in my mind that I had a few spare hours and could have done something
    2) it will only increase the volume of work to do in the time availble (normal work hours)

    My job has core tasks, but also is a reactive job, when problems occur, the reporting line is that people contact me (almost) first, I then liase between various parties to effect a solution and other parties to tell them what we are doing, when it will be done by and deal with those characters as well as of course, still doing all the all that I normally have to do and meeting those time constraints.

    By taking some of MY time, it is looking after Future Hay Ewe, looking after me in the week coming other wise it will get to wednesday, preparing for my planning meeting, needing to that task, that task and that task and not getting any of them done properly or completly.
    The alternate is to say F**k future Hay Ewe, I am going out on my bicycle which is to do exactly that, have my time now, use those few hours for ME time and then deal with the consequences in the week coming.

    I think it is kinder to look after Future Hay Ewe.


    Its now sunday morning and I shall be heading to work soon. I dont really want to, but becuase of a situation that occured yesterday, when I was at work, (which probably worked out much better) I didnt get all the work done. Yes, I would rather be out cycling, which I could have done if I had got up earlier in the morning, but i didnt.

    (There are some other aspects at work going down, which are really un-comfortable and not for discussion here, but they should be resolved by the end of the week - at least for a few weeks)
  13. Gravelroadster

    Gravelroadster Adventurer

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    Your plan seems sound but just remember that future hay ewe needs a work/life balance too.

    Work is very important to us. It gives us sense of achievement, social interaction, structure etc but it shouldnt define who we are. How often do you meet someone new and about the second question to you is "what do you do for a living". Why isnt it "what do you do for shits and giggles"??

    Only you can work out if you are mentally better off working weekends to lessen the stress but always consider that endorphine rush of the bike humming along your favourite road/track on a sunny sunday....that memory will carry you through a lot of work stress.

    Future hay ewe is number 1 in this story. Work will always be work...it is never done.

    And your positive thought for the day to help with interupting your sunday??
  14. Dukehunt

    Dukehunt Lost in Translation Nev 2.0 Super Moderator

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    One thing I learnt over the years is that work will always be there, if I worked 12 hours per day or 8 hours per day it was still there no matter what so I just reverted back to 8 hours per day and did what I could in those hours and made peace with myself that what I was doing what was in my own best interests (kept me sane and kept that BD away.
    The one other thing is that we work to live not live to work and we need our own space and time to get our balance right..

    I always remember a client asking me to work on a weekend, I said at the time no problem, that will be $1800 for Saturday and $4,000 dollars for Sunday, they declined in not a happy way, but I stuck to those prices and guess what...I had every weekend off that I wanted...

    Remember that it all starts with you...do what you makes you feel better..
  15. Kiwirich

    Kiwirich Super Moderator Super Moderator Supporter

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    Hey Hay Ewe
    The big landmine in the plan is that if your job needs to be done when you're not there ...
    Sick
    Leave
    Dead
    Then the organisation needs to plan and resource for that.
    I've seen too many companies that just go ...
    It's your problem, you deal with it

    I use @Dukehunt strategy.
    Pay and display
    If you want my time, get out your wallet
    There has to be some wiggle room but when you're doing 60 to 80 hrs per week for 40hrs pay ...
    Who's winning ?

    I believe that a lot of our Black dog issues are caused by unrealistic demands from work and the attendant corrosion of your self worth that comes from the self belief that you aren't doing your job properly.

    Personally, I now have a very ME focussed work life.
    I work during work time, and then I'm not available.
    It's not usual
    It's not normal
    and its great.

    I like me a whole lot more

    Kiwirich
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  16. bikeroz

    bikeroz Long timer

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  17. Gasman_ADV

    Gasman_ADV Long timer

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  18. Gravelroadster

    Gravelroadster Adventurer

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    Just been reading your RR. Awesome place the Flinders. I havent done it on a bike yet....but it is on the list when I have a suitable bike.
    The fact that it ended up a memorial ride is a bit sad but uplifting at the same time.
    Hearing about someone suiciding really upsets me. This is why I take every opportunity to talk about the BD. If I can help one person get past those thoughts.....
    While it is confronting we must talk about suicide, particularly in young people. The Black Dog is a serious disease and untreated it can be fatal. Contrary to popular media the biggest killer of those under 30 is not car accidents.
    Waiting for the next installment of your report. You have done well combining the excitement of meeting new friends and riding bikes while integrating the sadness of loss. Great job.
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  19. Hay Ewe

    Hay Ewe Just a Wannabe

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    "what do you do for shits and giggles"??
    I am going to endevour to remember that and ask the question :)

    And your positive thought for the day to help with interupting your sunday??
    Re-connected with a mate from long ago (actually at the OCR - but she lives in teh same town) and we had a random day out on the motorbikes, met a traveller who had lunch with us, talked stuff, catching up, took a great picture of the Coral Sea

    [​IMG]
  20. Hay Ewe

    Hay Ewe Just a Wannabe

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    This is like a double edged sward for me. Growing up on a labour intensive farm instilled in me a great work ethic, many have commented to me about it. Problem is, its work based.
    The deal with it was certainly there after I got back from leave and with some expectation.
    There are un-realistic demands from work I feel and these will be addressed
    a) soon - I shall be asking somebody else to have the oncall phone next weekend
    b) at my review (not due till november / december but will try to bring it forward) where I shall be putting forward
    i) at least alternate weekends, hopefully every third weekend
    ii) raising again, the need for assistance
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